


Just a matter of time

by Bellawritesfiction, LadyFrandrews



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-01
Updated: 2013-11-29
Packaged: 2017-12-13 16:36:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 30,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/826433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bellawritesfiction/pseuds/Bellawritesfiction, https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyFrandrews/pseuds/LadyFrandrews
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel is struggling. Dean tries to help. A Destiel AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Late September, somewhere not too far from New York City.

(Dean's POV)

Dean knew it wasn't uncommon for someone to check him out behind his back, he was perfectly aware that he has a nice ass. Standing on his toes, stocking the top shelf with the new shotguns, he knew he should have turned earlier to accommodate the customer; however, the fact of the matter was that Dean just liked having eyes on his ass. He enjoyed teasing the ladies with a sliver of skin peeking just between his pants and t-shirt.

Not there was an abundance of females frequenting the store, but when they did, Dean put on the charm. A few times he'd scored a date but mostly it was just a sales technique. It was his father's store and Dean always got a bonus every six months if sales were good; flirting with the ladies to get them to buy more than they planned helped the economy.

He'd noticed the little redhead outside before the bell told him he had customers. She was cute as a button, but not really Dean's type. It didn't matter anyway, Dean was ready to make her swoon, hopefully getting her to spend more money than she initially intended.

He finished stocking the shelves and cleared his throat before slowly turning around to face the young girl; however, the set of blue eyes that met his took him by surprise. The face surrounding those blue eyes was nice enough—maybe even better—but nonetheless it was not what he'd expected.

"I, I need a gun."

The voice was soft with a touch of sadness. Dean composed himself and could feel a slight blush crawling throughout his cheeks. When he panned the room he could the girl checking out some of the fishing gear in the corner. He looked back to the man in front of him.

"Sorry, you were saying?"

So he had been flaunting his body to a guy, no big deal. He'd never been picky but it was kind of awkward at the moment. This guy seemed totally lost. His coat looked like had been slept in and his hair was ruffled. He didn't appear to be one of those guys that slept on the streets though. Despite the slight rumpled appearance it was obvious that he was clean and well dressed. The man lowered his gaze and sighed heavily.

"I need a gun."

Dean had been around guns since he was a child, working in this business since he was young gave him the ability to get a pretty good read on his customers. The guy in front of him was not a hunger. He was pretty sure he didn't belong to some neighborhood watch group either. This guy wanted a gun so he could off himself.

Dean also knew that his father really wouldn't care, he'd say that if strangers came in and wanted to kill themselves it wasn't any of their business. Dean cared though. He loved life. He wanted everybody else to love it too. He could never understand how some people were so eager to end it all. He coughed a little into one of his hands to make time to compose himself.

"What kind of gun are you looking for?"

The guy's eyes widened for a split second before he looked down at his sleeve, picking an invisible hair. "Um, I don't know, a small one." He lifted his head and tried to meet Dean's eyes but picked a spot above Dean's shoulder to rest his gaze on, "I don't, I don't know."

That was the ultimate give away. Everything about this guy told Dean that he was a man who'd given up on everything.

Before he got a chance to respond to him the redhead came up to the counter to ask for the price of the fishing rod she was holding. Normally Dean would've put on his charm to make sure she'd buy it, it was the most expensive one in the store, but he settled on telling her the price and returned his attention to the sad face in front of him.

"What do you need it for?"

He did his best to sound casual as he reached under the counter to pick out some guns. The guy shifted a little on his feet, and raised his hand to quickly rub at his chin.

"Uh, I, is that important? I need a gun."

His voice suddenly hardened and he finally looked directly at Dean. The stare made Dean feel a little uneasy so he bent his head to look at the guns in his hands.

"No need. It would just be easier to accommodate you."

He laid the weapons on the counter and started to explain how they worked.

The redhead approached once again and asked a question about some other fishing gear, Dean sighed, "I'm sorry. You can look at these, I have to," he nodded towards the girl. The guy just shrugged and stared down at the guns. Dean could spot touch of fear in his eyes and he worried for a moment that the guy would take one and run.

He divided his attention between the guy at the counter and the girl he was assisting. She was getting a present for her father and had a hard time deciding.

"I want to get him something nice but I don't have a lot of money."

She smiled and batted her lashes. On any other day Dean would've put in an effort even if she wasn't quite his type. Today though he just picked a rod from the rack and handed it to her, "This is very good and it's on sale."

Every so often he peeked over to the counter and looked at the blue-eyed guy, he was just standing there with his hands tucked into the pockets of his trench-coat. The girl was examining the rod for a minute before she put it back, "I have to think about it, I'll be back." Seconds later she was out of the door and Dean returned to the gun counter.

"You have a license, right?"

Dean threw the question out as he approached. The guy's head quickly jerked up and his blue eyes landed on Dean's. "Oh, no I, I didn't know…" The pained expression on his face made Dean a little uneasy. He patted the guy's forearm, "No worries, I can help you with the application."

Why the hell did I just say that? Dean thought to himself. It wasn't really his problem if the guy didn't have a license, but for some reason he wanted to be there for him. He walked around to the other side of the counter and started putting the guns back.

"You can check these out after."

Dean was perfectly aware that it could take months to get a permit but he wasn't going to say anything about that right now.

"If you can come back around noon I'm on break, I can help you then."

He gave the guy a crooked smile and got a tentative nod in response.

"Okay…noon, okay."

He turned and walked towards the door, his gaze fixed on the floor. Dean had the urge to run over and pat the guy's back, tell him to cheer up, but he controlled himself.

"I usually go to the diner across the street on my break, we can meet there."

The guy peeked over his shoulder and nodded, "Okay."

Dean watched as he walked outside. He watched as the guy hesitated before crossing the street and entering the diner. Was he going to wait for him there for the next three hours? He shook his head and tried to focus on work.

His dad had started out with a little tackle shop way back when Dean was a baby. After more than a quarter of a century the business had grown to a well renowned store for hunters and the like. The store's inventory now included everything a hunter could desire. Handguns weren't a big part of it, but every so often someone would come in to purchase one so they were kept in stock.

Around eleven Dean started to get a little antsy. He'd kept an eye on the diner between stocking shelves and attending customers. The trench-coat was obviously still there, Dean hadn't seen him leave, but he did start wondering if the guy was tired of waiting.

As soon as John came through the door Dean asked if he could leave, "I'm meeting an old friend for coffee; he's only here for a few hours, that okay?" He should be ashamed how quickly and smoothly the lie came out.

John shrugged his shoulders as he glanced around the shop, "You're done stocking? Then go, I'll be fine. Take the rest of the day, Sam called, said he'd come in later." He smiled and went through to the back to hang up his jacket, talking over his shoulder as he went. "It's gonna be a slow day anyway since yesterday was crazy."

They had a sale that ended yesterday; only a few things were left over. Now they could get ready to stock up on the new purchases. Some had already arrived but their big delivery wouldn't be in till Monday.

Dean grabbed his leather jacket and waived, "I'll come by later and say hi to Sammy." He walked out and took a moment to gather himself. With a deep breath he crossed the street to go to the diner.

(Castiel's POV)

Castiel was slowly sipping his coffee—his third cup—while thinking about his life. Ever since he was a teenager he didn't have a single happy memory to look back on. Of course there had been some pleasant moments but they were overshadowed by the pain he felt he had always been carrying inside.

At fifteen he realized that his attraction towards boys wasn't just a phase. It was a devastating realization. He tucked that notion far back into the corners of his mind and tried his best to forget about it. It wasn't easy but he'd managed for three years. He was eighteen when he had been seduced by another boy from school. Cas was tutoring the guy but Gabe had caught them kissing instead.

Cas had begged and pleaded with Gabe not to tell but it was futile; soon after he was shipped away to a camp to help rid himself of those urges. His father—the local minister—had been furious and told Castiel that he wasn't allowed home until he could swear that he was cured.

He didn't want to have these feelings, knowing they would lead him straight to hell, so he obliged his father's wishes and after three months he was back home with his family. He'd managed almost a year to convince himself that he was straight, but then his defenses started to crumble.

Over the next ten years he struggled. He concentrated on school and graduated as valedictorian, however, it wasn't enough. Sure his family was proud of his accomplishment, but they worried about him not having a girlfriend. He knew why they were concerned but it explained it away by not having the time for a relationship.

Then he met Meg.

She was different from the other girls and they connected on another level. She was not the kind of girl his family normally would've approved but they accepted her. She was a party girl and her religious views were far from what he had grown up with.

After a couple months of dating she started to get impatient with him. She wanted—clearly—to take the next step. Cas had explained to her that he was raised in a family that believed premarital sex was out of the question. She laughed, "You're almost thirty. It's ridiculous you're still a virgin!"

At that time he was working in the city, had his own place—it was even just a few minutes from a subway stop. Meg rented a house in the outskirts and shared it with a few of her girl friends. That weekend the other girls were gone and she had invited him to spend it with her.

She'd done her best to seduce him, but that night when push came to shove he was unable to perform. At first she tried to sooth him, but he soon realized he had to tell her the truth. He thought she'd understand, she was open-minded about practically everything, so when he sat her down to tell that she didn't really turn him on he expected a different reaction to what he got.

Meg exploded in a fit of rage; the evil in her eyes had scared him. It didn't take long before he was out on the street, his coat tucked under his arm, and her voice still ringing in his ears.

Whatever defenses he had built up over the years crumbled. He slumped down in an alley not too far away and cried until he fell asleep from exhaustion. He didn't realize he had slept in the alley, but when he came to next, he noticed it was morning. He'd managed to cover himself with his jacket but it was still cold. He was devastated and decided he should just end it all.

Giving into his urges was out of the question and living a lie was unbearable. He wanted to get it over with quickly, and the surest way he could think of to a quick end was blowing his brains out.

Only a few blocks from Meg's house he found the hunting shop. They sold guns and he took it as a sign that he was doing the right thing.

Now, here he sat, waiting on the store clerk to help him with a license application. Castiel felt like a fool. The courage had left him, could he go through with his plan after all? He really loved life and wanted to live it to the fullest. It was just too complicated.

Castiel looked up when someone came in and he smiled tentatively at the clerk approaching him. The guy looked a little stressed for a moment but he seemed to relax as he approached the table, a grin on his face.

"Hi, I'm Dean. You want something?" He nodded towards the counter. Cas shook his head and Dean sat down across from him and waved to the waitress.


	2. Chapter 2

(Dean POV)

"I'm Cas, hmm, Castiel. You can, you can call me Cas." His blue eyes were piercing as he lifted his hand from the table and reached out to shake Dean's. Dean took the offered hand but Cas reacted as if he had gotten burned, pulling his hand out of the grip quickly. He looked down into his empty cup, "Sorry, I'm sorry." Dean scoffed and rolled his eyes. This guy was weird.

The waitress tapped his shoulder, "The usual?" She offered a tired smile and Dean nodded.

"You sure you don't want anything?" He asked Cas again but the guy just shook his head and sighed.

"I…no, I, I should leave."

Dean startled. He didn't want Cas to leave. He couldn't explain why but he was curious and little bit taken with him. Dean searched for an appropriate line but couldn't come up with anything that made sense.

"One more cup of coffee?" He threw out before a little chuckle and adding, "For the road."

Castiel looked a little puzzled but remained seated. Dean shifted in his seat, "I'm sorry, was just thinking about a song. Dylan. I was trying to be funny."

Cas didn't seem amused but he did signal for the waitress to give him a refill. "I don't know that song."

Dean shrugged, "Doesn't matter. So, you from around here?" He was happy that Cas decided to stay a little longer. Sure he was curious but it wasn't only that, the guy was kind of cute.

The waitress came back to their table with Dean's food, poured more coffee into Cas' cup and gave him a slight frown before turning away. Cas looked down into his cup, "I guess she's tired of only giving me refills but I…" His voice faded as he put a hand under his chin and his elbow on the table. Dean watched him and he could swear the guy was about to start crying. Cas composed himself quickly and rubbed his forehead with is free hand. "You were going to, you were going to help me with…" His hands fell to the table.

Dean took a bite of his burger, chewing and swallowing before he let himself meet Castiel's eyes. "About that, you uh, you have to go to the police station to pick up the form." He took another bite, hoping that Cas wouldn't leave when he realized that he couldn't help him right there and then.

"Oh," Cas didn't sound disappointed, just surprised. "I thought, okay, I, I could do that." He didn't seem so desperate anymore and Dean was pleased.

"I can still help you with the form if you'd like." He wiped his hands on a napkin and placed one on top of Cas'. The reaction was instant. Cas pulled his hand away immediately and Dean could've sworn he heard a whimper.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I just, it was, it, it was to reassure you, that I'll help you."

Castiel was frantically rubbing at his temple and it was obvious he was holding his breath for what seemed like an eternity. Dean was taken back by his reaction and wondered what was eating the guy up.

"I'm sorry," he repeated, "It's just, you look like you could use some help and…" He paused when Castiel took a breath and met his eyes. Dean could see fear but he also saw resignation. He took a deep breath himself and closed his eyes a moment, "I mean, sometimes, sometimes it's easier to talk to a stranger." He wasn't sure if he was going to proceed but the shy smile Cas gave him encouraged him, "I'm here and I have nothing better to do. I've got the rest of the day off."

Castiel took a sudden interest in his cup of coffee. Dean let the guy think while he finished his burger, peeking up every so often but Cas was still staring into his cup. At least he didn't just leave. Dean found that he was extremely pleased by that.

Castiel looked sad and tired, but beneath the quite miserable first impression, Dean could see that he was a very handsome guy. Those blue orbs were possibly the most beautiful eyes Dean had ever had the pleasure of seeing. The perfectly cut jaw beneath an adorable coat of stubble made Dean want to stroke his cheek and tell him everything was going to be alright.

Cas finally looked up and furrowed his brow, "Why? Why would you want to help a stranger?" His tongue darted out, licking his lips. Dean's nostrils flared but he was sure that it was the only visible reaction to the sight of the man licking that perfectly formed upper lip. On the inside though, it felt like his blood was boiling. Luckily the waitress came by and Dean ordered two pieces of blueberry pie and refills for their coffees.

He looked at Castiel, "I don't know. It's just that I'm generally happy and I like everybody else to be happy too." It sounded lame but it wasn't too far from the truth.

The pie slices came and were set on the table, Dean slid a plate in front of Cas and urged him to eat. "Pie always makes me smile. Try it."

They ate in silence for a while and Cas actually seemed to relax. When he was done he pushed the plate away and took a sip from his coffee before leaning back in his chair. "I guess you're right. I, I feel a little better now." Cas' bright smile made Dean's stomach churn but the smile faded almost instantly. "I, I'm sorry, but I'm not sure I need that gun anyway. I mean I'm, I'm sorry to have inconvenienced you."

Dean almost jumped in his seat, "Oh, no, don't even think about it. It makes me happy." Castiel's eyes widened as he realized that Dean was aware of his previous intentions. "Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to be so blunt about it." Dean could've beaten himself up at the moment.

Cas reached into his pocket and pulled a few bills out. "I think this will cover the coffee and the pie. I have to go." He got up from his seat and adjusted his coat. Dean took the money and placed it in Cas' hand, "My treat." They stared at each other a few moments before Cas started to walk off.

"Wait!" Dean called out. "Can I call you? Just to make sure you're okay?"

Castiel didn't answer at first but then he shook his head. "I don't... no. I don't think so." He sighed heavily. "I think I just want to forget this day. No offense."

Dean closed his eyes and struggled to cover up his disappointment, "Uh, none taken. I understand."

As soon as Cas had disappeared out of the door Dean regretted that he'd let him leave, just like that. He pulled some money out of his wallet and rushed to the counter, practically throwing the money at the waitress and grabbed her pen that she was holding in her hand. He quickly jotted down his own phone number on a napkin and ran out of the diner.

He spotted Castiel on the next corner and hurried to catch up with him.

"Hey, if you ever feel down you can call me." He handed him the napkin. "Anytime. If you need to be cheered up we can have pie." Cas looked a little surprised but he took the napkin and smiled. "Oh, okay." Dean squeezed his shoulder and could feel Cas tense, "Anytime, even if you're not sad."

Dean let go and watched as Castiel crossed the street, then continued onwards to the train station. He hoped he would turn at least once but he didn't. Dead didn't move until he couldn't see Castiel anymore.

\- - -

(Castiel POV)

Castiel regretted that he didn't leave the diner already, especially after that initial introduction and awkward handshake. The urge to end his life had passed. He wouldn't need this guys help after all. Something made him stay though. Dean seemed so happy to see him, as if he were a long lost friend, it felt nice.

Conversation was slow, but just sitting there and watching Dean eat was relaxing. Castiel couldn't help but let his eyes travel over every inch of Dean's face. When Dean put his hand on top of his, he felt like he got electrocuted. He ripped his hand away but the shock waves traveled up his arm and seemed to settle in his gut.

His reaction terrified him and he wanted to flee but Dean's voice was so soothing he couldn't get himself to move. When the pie came to the table he wasn't sure he could eat but his stomach let him know it was hungry so he dug in. It did help. He felt instantly better.

He wanted to tell Dean the sorry excuse of a story that was his life. It would have been so easy to spill to a stranger. He could get it off his chest and leave. He'd never have to see Dean again. He knew where he could find him but there wasn't a reason for him to be straying into this neighborhood after Meg threw him out.

Instead of revealing anything he just told Dean he wouldn't need his help. He expected Dean to be disappointed, not the reaction he got. He noticed Dean practically jumped in his seat and smiled. The smile made him squirm. Dean knew why he needed the gun. The embarrassment was almost too much to handle.

He threw some bills on the table and got up. When Dean tucked them back into his hand, Cas felt another shock travel through his body. He didn't argue, he just needed to leave. When Dean asked if he could call him it was with a heavy heart he declined.

Walking down the street he knew he could go back there sometime. Dean had told him that he often had lunch at that little diner. He was pretty sure he would never actually do such a thing, but it was nice to know that he could if he ever wanted.

When Dean came running after him—just to give him his phone number—Cas felt his heart stop. He took the napkin and smiled. His entire body froze at the contact of Dean's hand on his shoulder but he managed to compose himself.

After parting ways and crossing the street he desperately wanted to turn around and see if Dean was still on that street corner. He didn't do it because he was afraid he wouldn't see Dean. He was afraid that he would not be able to walk away if he was.

Once settled on the train he entered Dean's number into his phone and wondered if he'd ever dial it. He was about to toss the napkin but hesitated. He smoothed it out and folded it nicely before tucking it into his wallet.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel is trying to get Dean out of his head but of course it is impossible.

Early october somewhere in NYC and somewhere outside

(Castiel POV)

Castiel was not able to forget that day. It had started out as the worst day of his life—and he'd had a few of the worst—but ended up as one of the best.

He'd come home and practically fallen into bed. He was completely drained, emotionally and physically. He dozed off.

When he woke up a few hours later he still had his clothes on. For a moment he thought the memory of Dean was just a dream, but soon realized it was all too real. The guy had stirred up feelings within him that had been hidden away for a long time. It was exciting but Cas knew he had to force them away. He was gay; he didn't have to act upon it, he could remain celibate for the rest of his life.

Cas took the napkin out of his wallet and looked at it before lifting it to his lips. It was a silly thing to do but he couldn't help himself. He imagined Dean's lips touching his own and a whimper escaped. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to will the image away—it didn't work.

He started to undress and decided that he could let go of the fear, just for one day. He closed his eyes and pretended that it wasn't his own fingers unbuttoning his shirt. He rubbed his hands over his chest, caressing and touching as he moved lower towards his pants. He took a deep breath before unbuckled his belt. He took time undressing himself and every time a hand brushed along his skin he imagined it was one of Dean's.

He made his way to the shower and climbed in, allowing the water to efficiently wet his body before squiring a generous amount of shower gel into his hand. Starting at his neck he let his own fingers work over every sensitive spot of his body. He let them linger over each nipple—which caused his cock to twitch. He didn't want to just dive right in to jerking off, so he continued on soaping himself up, still pretending his hands belonged to someone else.

He rinsed off and was a panting mess of arousal. Sure he had jerked himself off thinking about men before but this time it was different. Dean was real and only a phone call away. He wasn't just a random image from a magazine or some famous actor. Cas wanted to drag this out so he went slow in each caress, each tug and pull. When he finally came it was with Dean's name on his lips.

Castiel spent the rest of the day over thinking every little thing that had happened between them. He scrutinized every word, every gesture, just to try and figure out the guy's behavior. He finally came to the conclusion that Dean was just a caring guy who didn't want someone to kill himself. There wasn't an indication to suggest that Dean liked him in that way, or that he got turned on by guys in the first place. Although, he did give Cas his phone number, after he chased him down.

He had a late dinner and went to bed knowing that tomorrow would be different. The memory of Dean would be forced to the back of his mind as he sat on the pew at Sunday mass and begged for forgiveness.

His good intentions didn't go as planned. For more than a week Dean's face popped up in Cas' thoughts on a random basis. A leather jacket or a picture of a blueberry pie was enough to keep the guy's memory alive. Castiel worked overtime as much as was allowed to keep his thoughts elsewhere. His mind was able to focus on whatever code he was typing. As a programmer he spent most of his time in own little cubicle where nobody paid him any attention, not as a person at least. They only cared about getting the code in before the deadline.

Management didn't want to pay overtime so Castiel knew that he would have to take off a few days at some point, but at the moment he didn't care. He needed the distraction; he needed to get this guy out of his mind.

After nearly two weeks he couldn't take it any longer. He prayed to God for forgiveness before he started his research. He did a reverse phone search and found Dean's last name and address. Winchester. Castiel chuckled to himself, an appropriate name for a gun salesman. The address was the same for the shop so Cas figured he lived above it, remembering there was an apartment fitted over the shop. He'd had plenty of time to take in the building when he sat at the diner with his cup of coffee.

He then searched for Dean on Facebook. He'd never been on the platform himself so he had to make a profile before he could search out Dean. There were quite a few Dean Winchester's but he finally found the face he recognized. He got his age and interests from Dean's page. He was a few years younger than Cas and he never went to college, but he did have a brother in law school.

Some of the information was reserved for friends only and Cas didn't dare send a request. It would probably take forever to get a reply; Dean's most recent activity was more than two months ago.

However, some of his photos were available for Cas to go through. Beautiful scenes of forests and lakes mixed in with Dean fishing, or smiling behind the counter of the store. One was of his brother—tagged as Sam Winchester—in a tight embrace with a beautiful blonde girl. Other than the one of Sam, there weren't any other familial photos.

Castiel continued through the pictures available to him, even ones Dean was tagged in uploaded by others. Most of those were from parties Dean attended and it seemed Dean had a different girl by his side in every one of them. Some were outside what seemed to be a cabin in the woods. Most were taken by Sam, but one of the captions sparked jealousy within Castiel—"My gorgeous man relaxing." It was uploaded by some woman named Lisa Braden. Though the upload was more than a year ago and Cas coudn't find that she had any other photos of Dean after that.

Since he was already being a creeper, he attempted other social platforms but couldn't find Dean on any others.

He leant back in his chair and sighed, Dean is probably straight. Hearing him say it aloud, he wasn't sure if he was happy about it or not. Knowing that he'd never ever in his life act on a crush—he at least, and finally, come to terms that he did in fact have a crush on the guy—he figured it was a good thing. Now he could approach Dean without any worries. He could meet up with him and talk, they could become friends. All Cas had to do was appear straight.

It was still kind of scary to go to the diner that Friday. He'd asked to leave work early and since he'd been working twelve hour shifts lately and was ahead on his programming, his boss was more than happy to let him go.

It was the same waitress as last time and she clearly recognized him, if her frown was anything to go by. She practically threw the cup of coffee at him. After two refills he ordered a slice of pie but that didn't seem to do anything for her frown. Three hours later Cas gave up and left. He knew he could've crossed the street and entered the store, but the courage had left him.

He'd try again tomorrow and would definitely go into the store if Dean didn't show up. He could be bold. Dean didn't know about his crush. It was just a matter of thanking a guy for being there for him in his moment of despair. Dean would understand. He had understood why Cas needed the gun in the first place. Thanking him was natural; Castiel was just rationalizing.

(Dean POV)

The last few weeks had been busy. Hunting season had arrived, the store was stocked and re-stocked, it was just hectic this time of year. Dean found himself envious of those who were on their way to the mountains. He would love to go too, but with Sam back at school and their dad already up at their cabin up north he had to manage the store.

Time had gone by fast and Dean always enjoyed the crowds. There were the skilled hunters who knew exactly what they wanted, but every so often there would be a newbie that needed help with practically everything.

Garth—a distant relative—was hired to help out during peak-hours, but mostly Dean was there by himself. Bobby, his father's best friend, was help as well, but he only stayed on till he too left for the cabin. He and John always promised to be back before the end of the season to allow Dean some time up north.

Dean looked forward to it. He loved having crowds around him, but that week in the fall where he could alone in the mountains was something he truly enjoyed. He rarely took a shot at anything, but it didn't matter, the solitude was bliss.

He caught himself thinking about Castiel every so often the last couple of weeks. When he'd catch someone in the distance with a tan trench-coat he hoped it would be him, but it never was. Dean didn't really understand his own feelings. Cas was just some random guy. What difference did it make that he was hot, good looking?

Dean had never had any lingering feelings towards anyone before. He usually hooked up with whoever was interested and never gave them a second thought. He'd had a two week stint with a girl last fall, but that was mostly because he was working too much to have time to chat up random girls—or guys.

This, this was different though. The fact he'd actually given the guy his phone number was another first. He tried to explain himself off as being concerned for a suicidal man and wanted to offer his help, but he knew that wasn't the only reason.

Sometimes he'd dream of those blue eyes. They seemed so close that he could almost feel the eyelashes touch his skin. He'd wake up sweating, his arms wrapped tightly around his pillow, and it scared him. He felt attached. Dean didn't want attachments.

It had been two weeks and still no phone call, he stopped waiting. Cas had obviously moved on. He'd probably solved his problems and would live happily ever after without thinking of Dean. Or—the thought startled Dean—he had gone ahead and, no. It was an unbearable scenario so Dean didn't go any further.

He hadn't had time to eat at the diner lately but he'd pop over and get some food to bring back for him and Garth. He always looked around at the guests—just in case—but it was only the regulars' faces he would see. The last couple of days he hadn't gone at all. He'd sent Garth over instead in an attempt to force himself to forget about those blue eyes.

This Saturday was kind of slow. Garth was sweeping and had already tidied up the shelves. Realizing he hadn't had a real, proper break for a while, he decided he was going to take one. "I'm going out to eat, you want anything?" Garth turned and smiled, "You know me, I always want food." He laughed and waved Dean off, "Just go, take your time, I know where you're at. Just don't forget to bring me something back."

With a quick salute Dean was out of the shop and crossing the street before he knew it. He knew they had gotten a new waitress. She was extremely hot according to Garth. Dean had not had the pleasure of meeting her yet but he'd seen her from a distance. He knew she was working now and he wondered if he should try to charm her. Even if only to take his mind off Cas. The thought hadn't even left his mind when he spotted a man in a trench coat in the far corner. It was now smooth and clean but Dean knew it was the same one.

(Castiel POV)

Saturday at eleven and he was back at the diner. He forced himself to stay calm. There was a new waitress, a young thing with blonde hair. She smiled at Cas and he could've sworn she gave him a wink. He smiled back before he concentrated on the pie in front of him. He would eat it slowly and if Dean didn't show up before he was done he'd cross the street.

He glanced up and out the window and shivered when he saw Dean coming out of the store and run across the street towards the diner. He moved so he wouldn't face the entrance directly. He needed a moment to compose himself.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Dean meet again. Both of them are eager to find a reason to hang out together. An opportunity present itself.

Early October somewhere not to far from New York City and then in NYC

(Dean POV)

Dean closed his eyes for a second, gathering himself together before he approached Cas' table. "Hello stranger. Nice seeing you again." He slumped down in the chair across from Castiel, "You mind?"

Cas looked up, momentarily startled and a flash of that same old fear was in his eyes, but then his face lit up with a bright smile. "Sure, I was hoping you'd come."

Dean was a little taken back by the response. Cas was behaving quite different from the last time they sat together. "Oh yeah? That's nice, I guess." Dean wanted to give the guy a hug but remembered the reaction he got the last time he touched him. He settled for a quick pat on Cas' arm, "I'm happy to see you too, and even more happy to see you smile."

Castiel twisted his hands and looked down before meeting Dean's stare, "I…I wanted to thank you." He glanced back down, focusing on the pie for a moment, "You, you were there in my moment of despair and you…I am grateful."

Dean could feel himself blushing. He didn't think he earned the gratitude. "Oh I didn't really do anything. I couldn't even help you with what I promised." He wanted so much to reach out and take Castiel's hand. "I was—" The words stopped short in his throat as Castiel's eyes finally met his again.

"You were here and you cared. That's all that matters."

Dean had to swallow hard to conceal the emotions that were ripping through his body.

"So you're okay? No more crazy thoughts?" He smiled, hoping he wasn't being too forward. Castiel furrowed his brow for a moment and smile shyly, "I guess not, I, I mean," he sighed and poked at his pie, "It was just a bad break-up. I, I overreacted." He popped a piece of pie in his mouth before he turned to Dean again.

The new waitress came over and asked if Dean was ready to order. He gave her a quick glance over, noticing that she was just as hot as Garth had mentioned. In another time and place Dean would've hit on her.

"The usual," he said with his eyes back on Cas. "Uh," she uttered and Dean realized she couldn't possibly know what that was. "Forget it; just give me pie and coffee."

Not waiting for a response, Dean turned his attention back to Castiel. He watched as Cas slowly reached for his cup and took a sip. "You from around here?" He asked, remembering that Cas never answered that question last time.

"No, well, no. I, I live in the city. Not too far from the Village."

Dean nodded approvingly. "Oh, that's…so you're well off?" The apartments in that area were expensive. Dean had been there for a party once, he had a general idea. "What do you do for a living?" Dean was a little worried his questioning was turning into a third-degree but Cas didn't seem to be bothered by it.

"I'm uh, I'm not rich, but I have a decent income." Dean noticed the guy blush a little. "My apartment is probably the smallest one on the block though." He put his fork down and fully raised his head, staring at Dean, "What about you? You live in this neighborhood?"

Those eyes made Dean a little breathless. He was glad for the momentary distraction of the waitress bringing him his pie and coffee. He took a sip. "I live above the store. With my dad," he cleared his throat. "I mean I have my own apartment, sort of."

He felt stupid. Revealing the fact that he was still living with his dad was kind of embarrassing. Castiel just smiled and nodded, "So you have a very short commute to work, that's nice."

Dean wanted to change the subject. He didn't like talking about himself. He made mention of the cabin and that he was going up alone as he finished his pie. He looked at Cas for a moment, "How come you ended up here the other day?"

It took a while before Cas answered, he was slowly chewing at his pie. A flash of deep sadness traveled over his face. "I, I really don't want to talk about it."

Dean lifted his hand to give Cas an encouraging pat but stopped when those blue eyes flared up in panic. He put his hand back on the table, "Sorry, won't mention it again."

Cas shifted for a moment and let out a sigh. "My girlf—my ex lives nearby."

Dean felt himself squint as he lent back in his seat. Cas had a girlfriend, that was a surprise. Dean had been convinced that Cas was batting for the other team. He prided on himself with being good at reading people, and he'd been pretty sure that Cas was a semi-closeted gay man with issues.

Dean had been wrong before but not very often. It didn't throw him off though; he was always up for a challenge. He also had been forced to admit to himself that the feelings he's developed for the guy ran deeper than anything he'd previously experienced.

He pretended to concentrate on his coffee while secretly watching Cas under half-lidded eyes.

He was startled when Castiel suddenly looked up, their eyes meeting. "What?" He questioned when Dean realized he'd been staring—caught staring at that.

"Oh, sorry, I was in my own world for a moment," he chuckled. "Just remembered that you never told me what you do for a living."

Castiel frowned, "Oh, boring stuff." He let his eyes pan the room before settling back on Dean. "Computer's…I mean, mostly software." He looked embarrassed, Dean couldn't understand why.

"Wow, I'm clueless when it comes to that. I wish I knew something because my laptop died on me."

Dean could've sworn there was a sparkle in Cas' eye before he looked down shyly.

"I, I can look at it for you. I mean, if, if you want?"

Immediately Dean saw this as an opportunity to hang out with Cas again. "Sure. I can go get it now?" He glanced at the clock on the wall, "I, I'm sorry, I've got to get back to work." He got up and put some money on the table, "Come on, I'll get my computer."

(Castiel POV)

When Dean came into the diner he seemed genuinely happy to see Cas. Not that Cas was a genius when it came to understanding subtle facial expressions, but the bright smile was a clear giveaway.

Castiel was amazing by his own performance during their conversation. Inside he was a total mess but he managed to hide it. Then again he has had years of practice hiding his innermost feelings. He'd done it so well at times that he even managed to fool himself on occasion.

The whole time he sat with Dean he contemplated another meet up, something that would make it natural for him to interact with Dean again. Coming to the diner on a random yet regular basis would look suspicious. Dean mentioning his laptop dying was a gift. He had no clue if he could fix it but he was positive he could at least identify the problem.

If it was a software problem it would be a piece of cake to fix. He had built his first computer at fourteen, but he still had slight issues with hardware. Laptops were kind of tricky in the first place.

He followed Dean across the street and opted to wait outside of the store while Dean retrieved his laptop.

Dean didn't have a bag so he brought out a backpack for Cas to carry it in. As he handed it over it looked as if Dean wanted to and possibly go in for a hug, but he merely stretched out his hand instead. Cas took the offered hand and this time, this time it felt good. It was a quick handshake and Cas promised to call as soon as he knew what was wrong.

On the train back to the city he pulled out the laptop and took a glance at it. It seemed fairly new so he found it hard to believe it could've been worn out already. He tried to turn it on but the battery was probably drained.

Once back home he made himself a quick dinner while he plugged the laptop in and charged it. An hour later he turned it on without problem. Cas sighed when he realized that it was password protected and wondered if he should give Dean a call already. He knew he could probably hack into it anyway but that would be unethical.

After a brief back and forth discussion with himself Cas decided to wait till Monday. He didn't want to push it. He now had a reason to call Dean and he was determined to drag it out as long as humanly possible.

Back at work on Monday, he was called into his boss' office. Mr. Crowley met him with a bright smile, "Mr. Novak, I'm impressed." He gestured for Castiel to sit. "When you left early on Friday, I put Mike to work on the code you were debugging but he couldn't find any flaws with it."

"Oh, sorry, I, I forgot to tell you. I just, I didn't have time to run it so—" Mr. Crowley waved him off, "This means that we're ahead. If you want more time off you're welcome to it. You've got about a week's worth of hours at your disposal."

The thought of having that much spare time terrified Castiel a little bit. If he was going to take time off he needed to plan it out. He needed to go somewhere. Get away from everything for a while. Sitting alone in his own apartment was out of the question. Spending it with his family was even more horrifying. "Uh, sorry sir, but I, I don't want to do that right now."

Mr. Crowley chuckled, "You're unbelievable. Next month we're starting a new project and I want you on it, so please consider using the time up before then." Cas nodded tentatively, "Okay…maybe next week, or the one after? I'll let you know. Maybe I'll just book a ticket to the Bahamas." He smiled, knowing that was never going to happen.

Mr. Crowley stood up, "So anyway, you made my day Mr. Novak. Go home. Consider this a free ride. You'll be paid in full for today." Castiel looked up at him dumbfounded, "Uh, but I—"

Mr. Crowley gestured and ushered him out of his office, "Go home, have fun. See you tomorrow." A few minutes later Castiel was on the street and didn't have a clue as to what to do. He wanted to call Dean but decided to text him instead. It was less intrusive and Dean could answer whenever he had the time.

Need a password. –Castiel He sent it as he made his way to the subway and began to tuck the phone into his pocket, presuming Dean was busy with work and wouldn't get back to him till later. He had barely let go of it when he felt it vibrate. Winchester0124.

He sent a quick thank you and headed home. Using the newly acquired password he logged in; it didn't take very long to realize that Dean's computer was riddled with malware. The virus protection program had expired months ago and Dean probably didn't know how or to renew it.

After spending a few hours trying to fix it he came the conclusion that he had re-format the entire hard-drive. That was definitely a reason to call but he still hesitated, he didn't want to finish too soon. A part of him wanted to hold onto Dean's computer for as long as possible.

After a quick trip to pick up some Chinese take-away, Castiel ate slowly. He wanted to call so badly. He played with his phone for a while before he put it down. "Tomorrow," he said to himself, "tomorrow I'll call." The thought hadn't even left his mind when his phone vibrated on the table.

Castiel rarely had the sound on because it was intrusive and distracting at work and outside of work he hardly ever got phone calls. He looked at it curiously and saw Dean's name on the screen. With trembling hands he pressed the answer button. "Novak," he answered in his usual way without even thinking.

"Hey! I was just wondering, uh, how's my computer doing?" For a moment Castiel was tongue tied. "Uh, I, well…I was going to call you." He took a deep breath, "It's bad." He heard Dean draw a breath before speaking, "Okay, is it a death sentence?"

Castiel chuckled, "No, but I have to wipe your hard-drive clean. Anything you want me to try to save?" It took a moment before Dean answered. "Yeah…no. I don't know. The pictures maybe, if it's possible." Cas was about to answer but Dean continued, "Don't worry about it, if you can't save anything. It's okay."

Castiel didn't want the conversation to end and wracked his brain for something else to say. He wanted this to last. "They're forcing me to take time off." He squirmed in his seat once he realized what he had just said. Dean didn't need to know this. He attempted to fix it by rambling about his overtime and excused himself for even bringing it up.

The silence on the other end bothered him slightly, had he lost the connection? He was about to hang up, disappointed, when he heard Dean's voice, "Why don't you come with me to our cabin?" Castiel wasn't even able to comprehend the words before Dean pressed on, "A week in the mountains will do you good."


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean invited Castiel to the cabin. They are both a little intimidated by the whole deal but are also determined to make the best of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took a while to post this. We have been very busy over the summer. We will now try to post on a semi-regular basis.

Early October

(Dean POV)

Dean tried to calculate how long it would take for Castiel to get home on Saturday. He guessed it wouldn't be more than probably an hour. If the guy looked at the computer as soon as he got home Dean would possibly get a phone call after two. He deliberately didn't give Cas the password. He didn't know if the guy even needed it but he hoped he did, then he'd at least receive a text.

The afternoon went by without any form of contact from Castiel. Sam came over in the evening and the two of them went out to a local pub. Dean kept his phone close by and would look at it every so often. Sam started to question his antics, "What's up? You're acting a little strange." Sam panned the room, "I'm amazed that you haven't tried to chat anyone up yet."

Dean was getting drunk, he wouldn't have revealed anything otherwise. "I, uh, I met a guy." He sighed heavily, waiting for Sam's reaction.

"A guy? Uh, well you're definitely playing the whole field then." Sam chuckled. "But why so antsy? Were you supposed to meet him tonight?"

Dean shifted a little, "I…no." He lent forward, placing his elbows on the countertop and covered his face with his hands. "I don't even know him that well, he's just, just different." He quickly swallowed the whiskey he just ordered and signaled for another. "Sam I'm so screwed. This guy is probably straight and—"

Sam started laughing. "I think you'd deserve that! You're such a slut!" He patted his brother's shoulder, "I mean that in a loving way." Dean scoffed.

"Seriously Sam, I've never, you know…I just want to get to know him and then see where it goes."

He contemplated on whether or not he should tell Sam the whole story, but after a few more drinks it was inevitable. Sam ended up supporting him on the way home and wasn't laughing so much anymore.

"Well I hope he'll call. It would be sad if he did all this just to steal your computer." Sam gave a crooked smile before shoving Dean into his room and closed the door.

-v-v-v-

Sunday was horrible. Dean didn't have bad hangovers very often but the one that hit him was worse than ever. The fact that Cas hadn't called or even texted made the day almost unbearable. Sam had spent the night in his old room up in the attic. He'd come to offer Dean some food but the smell of fried eggs and bacon was nauseating.

Dean ended up in his room the entire day, leaving only to go to the bathroom. When night came without a call from Cas, Dean was about to give up. He was dreading that both Castiel and the laptop were lost causes.

He made his way to the store the next morning and just as he turned the key to unlock the door he got a text message. It was with relief that he replied and as soon as the text was sent he saved Castiel's number to his contacts.

Work was busy, allowing Dean to think of something other than Castiel for a while. After closing he whipped together some food before he made a decision. He had to call him. He had to call him so he wouldn't lose his mind.

When Cas answered with that soft, beautiful voice, Dean had to take a breath before he spoke.

He asked about his computer's well being, then thought," seriously Dean, ask how he is doing." The conversation he had with himself was interrupted by Cas explaining what was wrong with the laptop. Dean was trying to muster up the courage to ask Cas out when the guy started to rant about time off and that he really didn't need a vacation. Soon after Cas started apologizing for bringing up his personal life.

Dean didn't know what happened, or how for that matter, but he heard himself asking Cas if he wanted to join him at the cabin. What a ridiculously stupid thing to do; the two of them alone, for a week—alone—it would be rough since Cas seemed to be afraid to even shake Dean's hand. He took a breath to bring himself back to reality. It probably wouldn't be a problem, Castiel would definitely say no.

"I uh, okay? Yeah." Cas' voice was barely audible but Dean heard him as if he'd screamed it. Dean nearly started hyperventilating and had to clear his throat a few times before he could speak again. "Cool. We'll be leaving Saturday, that okay?" Cas' voice was still very weak when he answered, "That, that's okay, but I, I've barely been out of the city. What should I bring? Or wear?"

Dean had managed to calm down somewhat and was now on familiar grounds. "Whatever you're comfortable in, comfortable clothes? Good shoes. It's a long walk through rough terrain." He paused waiting for Castiel to say something, but only a small "Oh!" came through. Dean continued, "I can make you a list. We also have some appropriate clothing at the cabin that you can borrow."

Their conversation carried on, ending after Castiel decided he'd come to the store to pick out appropriate attire for the trip. He'd come in Friday and Dean promised him a discount on whatever he needed.

It took a while before Dean as able to do anything after their phone call had ended. His thoughts turned to the one—and only one—time before that he had brought someone to the cabin. He and Lisa hung out for a few weeks prior, but after the trip to the cabin he'd ended their relationship knowing that he wasn't really in love with her. She'd been pissed at first but thanked him later for not leading her on.

The thing was that Dean preferred to be there alone. He'd had a hard time adjusting to Lisa's presence. That trip had only been for a weekend, this one would be an entire week. Dean was a little bit scared but Castiel was different than Lisa. He had a feeling he wouldn't have to constantly entertain the guy. Lisa felt ignored if Dean went for a walk in the woods alone or when he went fishing early in the morning hours. It had been stressful and annoying.

He decided to let his worries rest. The decision was made and that was that. He was going to take Cas to the cabin and they were going to have a good time. Dean knew he wanted this guy in every sense one person could want another person, but had a feeling that he should take his time with this one. None of his old lines were going to work. And there was the possibility of Cas being straight.

-v-v-v-

 

(Castiel POV)

Castiel closed his eyes and leaned back on the couch. So he was going away with Dean, for a week. It was somewhat scary. Cas had never had a real friend before and he hadn't really missed that notion either. When he was younger he hung out with kids in class but he'd been shy and was always just one more in the crowd. After college and uni he'd been even more of a loner. Work took up most of his time and even if he did go out with coworkers for a drink or two, he never felt that any of them were actual friends.

What scared him the most was not knowing why Dean wanted him to come. They barely knew each other and he didn't want Dean to seem him as some charity case, someone that needed to be saved. Castiel decided then that he was going to show Dean that he was perfectly capable of taking care of himself, he wasn't going to be in the way and he wasn't going to make Dean do anything differently from when he was there alone. Fishing and hunting was not something Cas had any actual experience with so he would just relax and let Dean do whatever he wanted.

The next few days went by in a haze. At work he managed to focus on his tasks but being cut off every day from any overtime, his evenings became very long. Mr. Crowley had been happy when Castiel told him he'd be taking the next week off and had promised Castiel new and challenging work upon his return.

Every day he felt the need to tell Dean but he would stop himself. They had an appointment on Friday. He could wait.

At home on Thursday night he wrapped up the work on Dean's computer and was about to put back in the backpack when he noticed something in the bottom of it. He pulled out two condoms—which made him blush—and a receipt for a liquor store for a bottle of Jack Daniels. Cas quickly tucked the items back in a hurry before he placed the laptop inside.

It was a casual Friday at work, something Castiel had never paid any attention to. He always wore his cheap suits to work no matter what. This time he decided to wear something else. He knew he was doing it for Dean, knowing that he was going to be seeing him at the store after work. Blue jeans were out of the question, but he chose a pair of black ones and a light gray tee with a blue dress shirt. He came to work feeling very under-dressed but no one seemed to care.

During lunch he sent Dean a message asking for a good time to come by. The reply didn't come immediately but as Castiel settled back in his work chair he felt a little vibration from his phone, "Anytime. We're open till eight. If you come later just call."

After work he went out for a quick meal before he headed for the train-station to go to Dean's store. Castiel was excited. He knew he liked this guy a lot. He'd never in his life act upon his thoughts, and anyway he was positive that Dean was straight so hanging out with him would be completely safe.

He was not in love. Being in love with a man was not in Castiel's plans for his life; the fact that he liked Dean a lot didn't mean anything. He needed a friend. He wanted a friend. Dean was a friend.

The whole way there he kept repeating that mantra to himself. When he stood outside the store he had made himself believe that this was the truth and nothing could change that.

Seeing Dean again felt very good though. Cas didn't know what to say as he walked through the door but turned out he didn't have to worry. Dean came towards him with a smile on his face, "Great, come on, let's find out what you need."


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel and Dean are now heading for the wilderness. Both are too busy with the preparation to even think about how it will be for two strangers to spend an entire week together alone.

Still October, not too far from New York City.

(Castiel POV)

"We have these, they're last year's model but who cares." Castiel looked at the boots Dean was holding and even if his life depended on it, he could not distinguish the difference between them and This year's model on the shelf. Cas tried them on and decided to take them, if Dean recommended them it was enough for him.

An hour later Cas had acquired a stack of clothes and other items on the counter, Dean came up behind him and placed a cap on his head, "This too." He laughed while walking around to the other side of the counter to ring up Cas' purchase. He reached up and removed the cap and stared at it, "Orange?" He smiled and shook his head as Dean nodded, "It's hunting season, you don't want to be mistaken for a deer would you?" That actually made a lot of sense; Cas tossed it on top of the pile.

After he paid—less than he anticipated—Dean started to put everything into the backpack that was part of the purchase. "I can just keep it here, you can change tomorrow before we head out." He lifted his brow a little and Cas nodded.

"Sure, but uh, won't we need food and stuff?" Dean chuckled, "Of course. I've taken care of that already, but is there anything in particular you want? I need to get a few things in the morning."

Cas scrunched his nose a little and looked at Dean, "No, I, I can't think of anything. I trust your judgment. I don't have any allergies and I'm not a picky eater. Do you need any money for my share?" Cas reached into his pocket to pull out his wallet but Dean lifted his hand and signaled for him to stop, "Don't worry about it right now, we can figure it out later."

Dean glanced up at the clock on the wall, "I'm closing in a few, if you want we can go to the pub down the road and talk about it?" Castiel gave it a quick thought before he nodded slowly, "I guess we can do that." Suddenly he remembered the laptop, "Oh! I have your laptop, it's working fine now." He moved back towards the door and picked up the backpack up from the floor where he'd left it when he came in, "I even managed to save all you documents and pictures."

Dean grabbed it and gave him a bright smile, "That's so cool, I thought it was a lost cause. Nothing was working." He peeked into the backpack, "I'll just take it upstairs, you can wait outside, or you could come up, if you want."

It was a question but Cas pretended not to notice. He had a long way back home and still had to pack up what wasn't in the bag Dean had stowed behind the counter, a quick drink was really all he had time for. "I, I'll be outside."

Dean was obviously a regular at the pub. He seemed to know every person in there and Cas felt a little lost. He sat down on a stool at the bar and waited for Dean to join him. The guy was now talking with a few older men at a table. He turned and waved, motioning for Cas to come over.

He pulled out a chair for Cas, "My dad, John, and uh, my sort of uncle, Bobby, guys, this is Cas."

Soon after introductions Cas found himself with a bottle of beer in hand and listening to the conversation going on around him. He and Dean didn't get time to talk about the trip before Cas had to leave to catch the train. He excused himself, Dean looked up with a pained expression and apologized, Cas threw his hands out, "No big deal Dean, you probably know what to get anyway, just call me if—"

Dean got up and walked with Cas to the door. "We can always get stuff on the way there too, it is a long drive. I am sorry Cas, it was thoughtless of me not to pay attention to you, I promi—" Cas waved him off, "Don't worry about it, it's fine. I kind of like being a little invisible."

-v-v-v-

(Dean POV)

When Castiel came over the next morning he had left the trench-coat at home. He was wearing a short leather jacket over a pair of stonewashed blue jeans, Dean almost, almost, whistled in approval. Cas looked good, really, really good. The blue jeans looked even better on him than the black ones did yesterday. And now, without the trench-coat to limit his viewing pleasure, Dean could check the guy's ass out. He couldn't complain.

Cas had brought along another duffle with more clothes and other necessities. Dean helped him repack it into the backpack before tucking it into the trunk of his car. He noticed Cas had brought a laptop, he scrunched his face, "I don't know if you'll get any use from that." Castiel shrugged his shoulders, "I, I didn't even know if you had electricity, I, uh, forgot to ask." He smiled shyly, "It's just, I, I don't, I've never, I don't know."

Dean patted him on the shoulder, "We have power, just no internet." He hesitated, "You weren't planning to work while we're there were you?" Castiel shook his head, "No, I just, I have games and music, and," he rolled his eyes and blushed a little, "I was so clueless on what to bring. I feel like a fool."

Dean shook his head, "You're not a fool Cas, of course you didn't know. I wasn't very helpful either, I'm sorry." He put the laptop back in the pack and reached out for the plastic bag in Cas' hand, "What's that?"

Cas blushed again, "Uh, I, I didn't know," he held up the bag, "I brought this." Dean looked in the bag and grinned, lifting out the bottle of Jack Daniels, "Wow, my favorite brand, how'd you guess?" Cas shifted a little, "I just picked one. There's also two bottles of wine."

Dean took the bottles and stuffed them into the pack too, "I'm not big on wine but I bought some beer." He closed the trunk and gestured for Cas to get in the car. "Okay, let's get this show on the road."

He got in and turned the ignition and instantly the car was filled with the sound of Led Zeppelin's Immigrant song bursting through the silence. "Sorry about that, didn't mean to blow your eardrums," Dean appologized as he hurried to turn the volume down. Cas seemed a little startled but he smiled, "It's okay, I kind of like them." He leaned back in his seat, "I'm not picky on music either."

During the four hour drive they barely exchanged a word. The loud music prevented it for the most part, but Dean felt that there wasn't a need to talk so much either. He sang along with the songs, earning a chuckle from Castiel ever so often. Half way there they stopped to get gas and take a leak. Dean bought some chips and a couple of root beers before they got back on the road.

A few hours later Dean pulled off the highway and into a clearing off to the side of the road. "We've got to walk from here, uh, it's a bit of a hike."

Castiel followed Dean's lead and climbed out of the car and made his way to the trunk. He waited till it was open before reaching towards his backpack but Dean stopped him, "Don't worry about that right now," he said as he put on a smaller pack, "Our neighbors have a four-wheeler I can borrow to come back and get the heavy stuff."

Cas looked at him, a little confused, "So we don't have to carry anything?" He glanced at the trunk, Dean looked at him, "What?" Cas met his eyes, "Can I, uh, can I bring the new jacket? It's a little chilly and this one isn't warm enough," tugging on the hem of his jacket. Dean let out a laugh, "Of course. I'm sorry." He tugged out Cas' jacket and handed it over, "You want the boots too? It's nice and dry right now so your sneakers should be alright though."

Cas stuck with his sneakers and shrugged his new jacket on, and then they were off through the woods. Cas following Dean, who was following a well worn trail. Nearly an hour later Dean turned off onto another path, Cas followed, up ahead was a rather decent sized cottage. Cas could only stop and stare, "Is this—" "No," Dean cut him off with a smile, "This is the neighbors, give me minute, I'll be right back, wait here."

He walked around the cottage and towards the shed out back and poked for the hidden key; the Winchester's and the Harvelle's had a long standing deal about looking after each others' properties. Dean was always allowed to borrow the ATV whenever he needed it. He was a little surprised that the house was empty, they were usually present almost every weekend.

He didn't ponder too long on it, rolling out the four-wheeler and closing up the shed before driving back around to Castiel.

"Hop on!" He took of the backpack and handed it to Cas and patted the seat behind him, "We'll be there in a few minutes."

-v-v-v-

(Castiel's POV)

Castiel had to hold on to Dean for dear life. He may have been exaggerating, but the ride was bumpy and Dean apparently wasn't slowing down for anything. It was a terrifying five minutes; Castiel didn't even think about the fact that he'd been plastered to Dean's back with his arms wrapped tightly around the guy's waist. When they finally stopped Cas let go and quickly climbed off and stood on wobbly legs.

He glanced around and before him stood a tiny, brown cottage with a covered front porch with a well worn in rocking chair and some fishing gear. It was surrounded by trees on its three other sides and between the trees Cas could see the shimmer of something, water, probably a lake.

Dean had parked and climbed off and started heading towards the cottage, he turned to Cas with a slightly devious smile, "You okay? That was quite a ride." Castiel just nodded and began to follow, "I'm fine. Now. Except I think my life flashed before my eyes at one point." Dean laughed as he unlocked the door and pushed it open, "Welcome to my humble abode." Gesturing widely and ushering Cas inside.

They entered into a tiny hall with a hat stand, which was covered with various jackets and coats. Directly ahead was a small kitchen which Cas quickly peeked at before turning his attention elsewhere, finding a rather decent sized living room. It held a big fireplace with logs all ready set, just needing to be lit. A small dining table sat beneath a window, not one of the three chairs matched, they were all different shapes and colors; on the far wall stood a bookshelf and a small chest of drawers, near those sat an old, worn sofa with a coffee table.

Dean squeezed by Cas and knelt down on the floor in front of the fireplace, "I'm going to make a nice fire before I head back to the car, don't want you to freeze to death." He waved a hand towards the door next to the fireplace, "there's the bedroom and bathroom. I can take the top bunk."

Castiel walked over and looked inside; each bed was wide enough for at least two people, two short people. He ventured in and sat down on the bottom bunk, it felt comfortable enough but he worried he'd bump his head during the night. He climbed in and maneuvered himself around, his head pressed against the—was it a headboard on bunk beds?—and his feet touched the other end before he could even fully stretch out. Dean was taller than him so if he could sleep here he should be okay.

He got back up and headed to the bathroom, it was dark so he searched the wall for the light switch. The light flickered a little before staying on and revealed the tiniest bathroom Cas had ever seen. It smelt a little musty but looked clean. It held a sink, which had an old, cracked mirror hanging over it, a toilet, and a shower. Beneath the sink was a shelf that held a stack of towels.

Done with his exploring—inside at least—he headed back to the living room and watched Dean work on the fire.

"It's nice, cozy even. But uh, the beds are a little short, don't you think?" Dean turned and smiled, "I know, but my great-grandfather didn't know that most people were, are, taller than he was."

Castiel looked around the room, "so it's really old?" He moved towards the sofa and sat down, "when was it built?"

Dean thought for a moment, "In the early thirties. Both my grandfather and my dad have fixed it up over the years." He got up and made his way to the sofa and sat down next to Cas. "Grandad added the running water, Dad added the solar panel," he sighed, "We don't have a lot of power from it though. It can only heat up enough hot water for one shower a day so be prepared to rough it a bit." They shared a smile.

The fire was popping and cracking, it didn't take long for the room to reach a decent temperature. Cas took off his jacket and hung it over the back of one of the chairs. "It is cozy. I think, I think I can relax here." He watched as Dean got up and stretched.

"I'm going to get the rest of our stuff. Make yourself at home, get comfy. I'll be back before you know it." He tossed the small backpack to Cas, "Toilet paper and a couple of beers. There's a sandwich in there too, if you're hungry, but I'm gonna cook when I get back so..."

Once Dean was gone, even waiting for the ATV sounds to fade, Cas explored the rest of the cabin. The bookshelf was full of old, dusty books. Cas picked at a few of them, old classics were in random order and placed along side hunting and fishing guides. Fighting off the urge to rearrange and order the books Cas moved on to the kitchen and began going through the cabinets and drawers.

There was some canned foods in the cabinet over the stove, there was also a bag of rice and bread sticks. He found a bottle of olive oil and canola oil on the counter, along with a few jars of different spices.

The cutlery drawer made him stop short once he pulled it open. It was full, filled to just about the rim with one, one of a kind silverware. Of all the various knives, forks, and spoons, only two—two—matched. Two matching forks out of the entire collection; he soon found that was the running theme with the dishes and cups. Nothing matched, he kind of liked it.

The fridge was empty except for one lone beer can so he quickly added to the cans in the backpack; only to realize it wasn't cool, it was unplugged. He plugged it in and then grabbed his jacket; he'd wait for Dean on the porch.

He took a seat in the rocking chair, letting the sun's rays assist in warming him up. He didn't know how the week was going to go but he had a good feeling about it.

If it was nothing more than a friendly gesture on Dean's part, that was okay, he was ready to let himself believe that. He wanted it to be more, in his mind it was, but he pushed those thoughts away. Just being here with Dean felt nice and he was going to do his best to relax and make it memorable.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel enjoys being at the cabin with Dean but the feelings he gets when he's around Dean are disturbing.

Next morning in the Adirondacks.

(Castiel POV)

When Castiel woke up the next morning it was completely quiet. He wondered if Dean was still in the top bunk but he couldn't hear the sound of him breathing. He rolled out of bed and let his feet hit the floor, it was freezing! He hurried to put socks on before heading out to the living room and looking around. The fire had almost died down and the room was a little cold for his taste. He wondered where Dean could be since it was pretty clear he wasn't in the cabin.

Last night after Dean returned with their belongings he made them chili and shortly after Cas started to doze on the couch. Dean had nudged him gently and told him to head to bed, "Even if it's a bit short, the bed is still more comfy that the sofa." He quickly moved and enclosed himself in the bedroom and changed into his pajamas; he fell asleep almost instantly once his head hit his pillow.

Glancing at the clock Castiel realized he'd slept over nine hours. He began peeking out through the window and noticed the lake through the trees. At first he wasn't sure if his eyes were playing tricks on him but it looked like Dean was in the water swimming. He watched as a few minutes later he walked out of the water completely naked and grabbed a towel hanging off a nearby tree branch.

Castiel instantly blushed as he withdrew from the window lest he was caught. A week with that body so close was going to more of a challenge then Cas had anticipated.

He hurried into the bedroom and threw on a sweatshirt, hoping that once Dean returned—clothed—he would get a fire going. He was stepping out of the bedroom as Dean came through the front door, "Oh, you're up; I was going to make breakfast but wanted to take a swim first." Cas just shook his head, "Seriously? A swim in the lake this time of year, are you crazy?"

Dean laughed as they maneuvered around each other, heading into the bedroom. "I'm used to it, I do it every morning that I'm here. It's very refreshing, you should try it once." "Yeah right, I'm almost freezing to death in here, going outside and getting wet would just make it worse."

Dean poked his head through the doorway, "Sorry about that, I should've started it before I headed out." He exited the room a few moments later and grabbed Cas' wrist, pulling him over to the fireplace, "I'll teach you how." Cas gently tugged his arm back, "I know how. We had a fireplace at my dad's, but there's no wood." Dean shuffled a little, embarrassed, "Oh, sorry, I'll uh, I'll show you where it's at and we can carry some in."

As Dean put down his last of the logs he smiled at Cas, "This is your job now, I'll take care of everything else." Cas just smiled and turned to the fireplace and got started while Dean went into the kitchen to make breakfast.

"You can use the shower today if you want, me, I don't care. I'm normally here alone and to put it bluntly, after a week I'm not very presentable." Dean said as he entered the living room holding two plates, putting them down on the table. "I promise to be better about my habits this time," he chuckled, "You must think I'm a slob, but I'm really not."

Satisfied with the fire Castiel got up and headed towards the table, "I don't, I don't think you're a slob." He smiled at Dean. "I've been cooped up in my apartment for a whole weekend working, wearing not much more than a robe and forgetting to eat, you know?" He trailed off and took in the sight of the eggs and bacon Dean had made, it smelled delicious, "Hmm, I'm really hungry all of a sudden."

When Dean didn't sit down Cas looked up curiously and found him staring with a puzzled face. "Sorry, but I'm trying to picture you unshaven and smelly, but that's impossible," he said as he pulled his chair out and sat down. "But who knows, maybe after a week here you'll sink down to my level."

They ate in a comfortable silence, broken after a while when Dean asked, "What do you want to do today?" He wiped his hands on a napkin, "I mean," he shrugged, "uh, you can—" Cas had no idea and shrugged in return, "Whatever, I don't really know. Relax?"

"I was thinking about going hunting today, but if you—" Castiel cut him off, "If you want to go that's fine, I, I can stay here. I mean I'd prefer to stay here if you don't mind." Dean just nodded.

After breakfast and coffee Castiel had to reassure Dean several times that he'd be fine alone. An hour later he was, Dean headed off into the woods with his gear. Cas took a shower and washed dishes before he decided to go for a walk. He wouldn't go too far, worried that he couldn't find his way back; he remembered to put on the orange hat. Dean promised him that there wouldn't be any hunters so close to the main trail, but encouraged him to wear it regardless.

\- - -

(Dean POV)

Dean returned a little before nightfall. He asked Cas about his day. "I hope you weren't bored. I feel bad for leaving you alone for so long." Cas reassured him he was fine, "I was really enjoying myself. I don't think I've been this relaxed since, uh since, well I don't know."

Dean hadn't seen any game the whole day and asked if it was okay for him to take off the next day. "Sure," Cas said, "You have a lot of books here and the weather is nice, I could walk in the other direction tomorrow. I'm used to my own company." He smiled and pointed to the bookshelf, "And if you don't mind, can I reorganize?"

Dean chuckled, "Go ahead. You can even rearrange the furniture if you like." He gave Cas a smile, "I mean as long as you're not bored."

He couldn't help but feel bad about leaving Cas but he placated himself with the thought that hunting was what he came here to do even before he invited the guy along.

"What do you want for supper?" He asked as he put away his rifle and gear. "I could've gone and tried to catch some fish but I usually do that a few days after chasing game."

Castiel looked at him with an apologetic expression, "I could've cooked, but I didn't know when you'd be back." Dean started laughing and Cas tilted his head to the side. "I'm sorry Cas, I remembered when my mom was still alive. She'd get so pissed because dad never knew when he'd be back from a hunt, so she just cooked for us and let him eat the cold leftovers whenever he got back. Back then we only had a wood stove."

He headed into the kitchen, "I'll cook tonight and try to plan better for tomorrow." He peeked back out into the living room, "You know how to cook right?" Cas nodded, a little hesitantly, "Well yeah, not chef material but I can manage and it is edible."

Due to the limited resources in the kitchen Dean found it easier to make stews and other one-dish meals. He whipped together something that resembled jambalaya despite not having all the proper ingredients, but it worked. He prided himself on being able to make meals out of practically nothing. They may not be culinary masterpieces but they tasted okay and were filling.

He watched as Cas nearly fell asleep on the couch again, the guy could barely keep his eyes open. "I'm so sorry, I'm a terrible guest. Guess I'm just not used to all this fresh air." Dean smiled, "Well you did get up pretty early this morning." Cas rolled his eyes, "Yeah but I fell asleep before ten last night." He looked at his watch, "Maybe I can make it till half past now."

He didn't even make ten minutes. Dean wanted to tuck him in but decided against it. Cas had shown signs of being less strung up and less fearful of his closeness, but they still had time to get to know each other better. If Castiel was even remotely interested in him in ways other than just being friends Dean wanted to take it slow. He wanted it to mean something.

The next morning, after breakfast, Dean departed with a promise to be back by six; giving Cas a chance to know when to start dinner. The guy was proving to be a totally different room-mate than Lisa. Cas didn't complain and smiled a lot—even in his sleep—making Dean believe he really was enjoying himself.

The only thing that was a little disappointing was that he passed out way too early. Dean would've liked to sit and chat, just to learn more about the guy. He knew that him being away all day didn't help much but it was still time spent together.

Tomorrow he'd go fishing at the lake and encourage Cas to come along; they could be together the whole day.

\- - -

(Castiel POV)

As soon as Dean was gone Castiel searched through the cupboards and fridge to find out what kind of food Dean had brought along. He needed to know what he could make from what they had. After his assessment he decided on spaghetti carbonara; he didn't have any cream but he remembered a recipe that didn't call for it.

Dean was obviously not crazy about fresh vegetables because there were only tomatoes and cucumbers but Cas decided it was possible to still make a salad out of it. There wasn't fresh garlic but he did find garlic powder. He looked for wine glasses but only found one, and to his relief a wine opener. It was tucked in a drawer behind an assortment of various oven mitts.

The remainder of the day, Cas found himself going through all the books in the shelf. He stacked them around on every available surface before he started to put them back. He organized the non-fiction books as well as he could according to subject. He wasn't too skilled on the Dewey Decimal System, but then again most of the books were about fishing and hunting so it wasn't too hard.

It took a bit longer to sort the novels alphabetically. There was a broad selection of children's books that he decided to put on a shelf of their own. He was slightly thrown off task when he found a copy of Richard Elmann's biography of Oscar Wilde. He had read the book himself but hadn't expected to find it in a remote cabin in the woods.

Another weird find was Anaïs Nin's Delta of Venus. He figured that someone had put it there to hide that they actually bought it. The Odyssey—in hardcover—was also an unexpected discovery. Castiel realized there were sides to Dean's family that didn't meet the eye. If he'd been eager to get to know the man before, this just added to that desire.

He finished up around five and decided to start prepping dinner. He hoped Dean would be back soon, he did promise six, and it was starting to get dark outside. He tried not to worry as he watched the pasta swirl around in the boiling water.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are changing. Cas doesn't know if he should embrace it or not. He's scared, but a part of him wants to explore.

(Dean POV)

Dean ran all the way back to the cottage. He wasn't used to having someone waiting there for him. When the cabin came in to view he slowed down and checked the time, he was happy to have made it back before six. He took a few moments to compose himself despite being in pretty good shape; he didn't want to rush in panting for breath.

The scent that hit him when he walked through the door made his mouth instantly water. He'd had a couple sandwiches throughout the day but that smell had him feeling like he was a starved man. He shredded his gear and jacket as he looked around for Cas, he was lighting a candle on the table. Dean dropped his bag a little too harshly.

Turning around abruptly, obviously startled, Cas covered his shock with a slight smile, "Please sit, dinner is ready."

Those words sounded like music to Dean's ears. Part of him felt that if he could hear those words from Cas every day till the end of time it wouldn't be long enough. He headed over and sat down, a moment later Castiel was leaning over his shoulder and poured wine into a glass, "I know you're not too crazy about wine but humor me. Just this glass and I won't push you for more."

He was gone before Dean could respond, but returned a few moments later with two plates of food. He put one down in front of Dean before moving to the opposite side of the table with his own. Dean instantly wanted to dig in but chose to wait until Cas was seated. "My oh my, this looks," he took a deep breath through his nose, "It smells delicious."

He looked over at Castiel who was smiling. The smile turned shy a moment before he lifted his glass for a toast, "For the fresh air that's doing me some good." Dean really took in Cas and realized the guy probably got into the wine before dinner, it pleased him. The guy was comfortable enough to let some of his guard down. He had the passing thought that perhaps a tipsy Castiel would make things easier.

Dean returned the toast with a slight raise of his own glass before digging in. He used some décor this time around instead of just shoveling his food into his mouth. They ate for a while in silence, broken once more by Dean. "This is so delicious, I think I'm going to keep you." He watched as Cas turned his head down, but could see the blush covering his cheeks. He took a sip of wine, which was surprisingly good, it didn't hinder any lingering flavors in his mouth, it seemed to enhance them. "I mean," he reached out and covered Cas' hand briefly, "You've gone out of your way and I appreciate it. Thank you Cas." Castiel didn't pull his hand away like he's done so before; Dean gave it a slight squeeze.

Castiel's breath hitched and looked down at his plate, "I, well, I had the time and I, I enjoyed myself." He slowly looked up at Dean, "I, I've never made a meal for someone else before. I'm glad you liked it."

Dean instantly wanted to get out of his chair and embrace Castiel. He felt sorry for him, sure, but it was more than just pity, he couldn't understand why the guy was such a loner. He was a good looking guy and so kind, sweeter than pie. There was no explanation why such a guy like Cas was single, and had been for forever, except for that Meg person.

The thought instantly hit Dean, momentarily overwhelming him—it had nothing to do with sex anymore. He wanted to wrap Castiel in his arms and tell him that everything was going to be okay. He wanted to come home and see Castiel waiting for him. He started to suspect that perhaps he was right, but Cas wasn't semi-closeted, he was so far in the closet it would take time and a lot of coaxing to get him out.

"I'll try to stay awake a little longer tonight," Castiel's voice broke through Dean's thoughts, "I'll make some coffee." he said but Dean blurted out, "No, no coffee. You, you should sleep if your body's craving it. It's the right thing to do."

He could blame his extra glass of wine on his mouth. Both he and Cas had refilled their glasses throughout dinner. Dean realized he wanted Cas a little tipsy, a little pliable. He'd never take advantage of him, he just wanted the guy to relax and feel good.

They both helped to clear the table, then Cas put the leftovers away and Dean rinsed the dishes, telling Cas that they could wash them in the morning. Dean wouldn't admit he was pleased by the little moment of domesticity.

"When I was little my mom used to read to me whenever I didn't want to go to bed. You want me to read to you?" Dean was surprised by himself and slightly embarrassed, that was the lamest pick-up attempt ever. Castiel just smiled, "I'm not that tired, but yes, that, that would be nice. Read to me. Please."

Castiel lied down on the couch, his head on the armrest. Dean picked a random book without glancing at the cover. He lifted Cas' feet and settled beneath him, letting his legs rest on his lap. As soon as he started reading he let out a chuckle, "Sorry, I should've picked another book." Cas just shook his head, "No, no it's fine."

Little Nutbrown Hare, who was going to bed…

Dean read through the story about the two hares, his eyes stinging with the build up of tears. He remembered his mom reading this to him every night when they were here. He barely managed to keep his voice steady, cracking a little every now and then, but when he got to the last page he had to pause before he could finish.

Then he lay down close by and whispered with a smile, "I love you right up to the moon – and back."

Dean closed the book and put it on the table. He didn't want Castiel to see him this emotional, especially over a children's book. He tried to get up and get a drink but Cas reached his hand out and grabbed Dean's sleeve, "That, that was beautiful. No one ever read me bedtime stories when I was a kid." Dean didn't know how to react to that, it was the saddest thing he'd ever heard. He reached down for Cas' hand and lifted it to his lips, kissing the palm before he caught up to the moment and practically jumped out of his seat, causing Cas' feet to hit the floor.

He rushed into the kitchen and rummaged through the fridge to find a beer. With a beer in hand he took a deep breath to calm himself and returned to the living room. He grabbed the bottle of wine and poured the rest into Cas' glass.

Castiel had curled up on the couch leaving Dean with plenty of space to sit, neither of them having to touch. He took the glass Dean offered and sat up, "I, what happened?" Dean slumped down next to Cas and took a long swig. "I, I don't know, just memories."

Dean felt Castiel's arm curl around his back, he couldn't hold back any longer, he leaned in, shoving his face into Cas' neck and pressed a kiss to the soft skin showing above his collarbone. He pulled back a little, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't. It's just—" Castiel shifted, leaning back on the armrest and pulled Dean with him, "Shh, don't say another word. It's going to be okay."

(Castiel POV)

When he woke up the next morning Castiel found himself on the couch. He remembered what happened and momentarily freaked out. Dean had kissed him. Dean had kissed him and had they fallen asleep together with Dean tucked into his side. He wasn't sure how to decipher what had happened but Dean was clearly upset after he'd read the book.

He shivered, feeling cold, but realized he was tucked under a blanket. He glanced over to the fireplace and saw it was lit, but he was still shivering. Dean came through the door and looked at him, "I nursed the fire, it's not cold in here." He walked over and sat down on the edge of the table. "May I?" He asked, mostly as a warning since he didn't wait for an answer before reach out and touching the back of his hand to Castiel's forehead. "You're a little warm buddy." He looked a little concerned, "How are you feeling? It's, you have a fever, if you want to leave," he trailed off as Cas shook his head. "Don't worry it's not so bad, I'm just freezing. It's probably my body reacting to all this fresh air. I'll just sleep it off, sorry for being such a lousy guest."

Dean hesitated before gently stroking Cas' cheek, "Don't say that, you, you're the best guest who's ever been here, I," his breath hitched. "Just get well soon, will you?" He watched as Castiel closed his eyes and tugged the blanket tighter around himself.

Castiel drifted in and out through the day, Dean provided him with water and made sure the fire was constantly burning. Other than that he kept his distance.

At one point during the day Castiel stumbled to the bathroom to pee, the face that met him in the mirror as he washed his hands looked horrible. No wonder Dean was staying away. He brushed his teeth and switched into his pajama pants before reclaiming his spot on the couch.

The next time he woke up he was practically panting. Dean peeked in from the hall, "How are you doing? I think your fever's finally broke." Cas wasn't doing so well, he was sweaty and felt sticky, "I feel, uh, can I take a shower?" Dean smiled and nodded, "Of course, when you're done I hope you're hungry." Castiel noticed the smell of food, "I'm starving."

He got up and took the blanket with him and tossed it on his bunk before going into the bathroom. He peeled off his sweaty clothes and climbed into the shower, letting the water and steam clear his head he had a flash of Dean kissing him. Did that really happen? Did Dean really kiss him? He wasn't sure anymore. He knew Dean's lips touched his skin but that could've just been an accident when they were moving around.

He wouldn't let it bother him. It wasn't easy but he knew in his mind that he had to. They were here for another four days and if he was going to survive being so close to the other man he had to act like nothing had happened. Besides, Dean hadn't mentioned it and hoped he wouldn't. A part of him however, wanted it to be true, but that thought scared him too much.

After his shower, and to delay going back out to Dean, Cas shaved and brushed his teeth and rummaged through his backpack to find clothes. He chose sweatpants and a sweatshirt; he wanted to look as boring as possible. Satisfied with his bland appearance he braced himself for dinner with Dean.

Dinner was delicious. Dean had caught a few trouts in the lake and had cooked a few to perfection. They ate in silence, unlike before it was slightly awkward. Neither of them could find anything to talk about. Cas knew why he wasn't going to open his mouth, he was afraid the first thing to come out would be about last night. He could live with his delusions; he didn't want to know what had really happened.

When he was through eating he put his cutlery down and looked at Dean, "That was good, thank you." He was startled at the fell of Dean's hand on his own and quickly snatched his hand away. "I can do the dishes." He quickly pushed away from the table and collected the various dishes between the two of them and disappeared into the kitchen. Standing at the sink he took a few deep breaths to calm and collect himself. "This is so wrong," he thought, "I cannot be having these sorts of feelings for him, for a man, for Dean."

He took his time with the dishes and when he was done and felt composed enough, he returned to the living room. Dean was sitting on the couch flipping through a book. He glanced up and looked right at Cas, he opened his mouth to say something but sighed and turned back to his book. Castiel didn't know what to say or do to lighten the mood so he chose his own book and sat down at the dining table.

The silence was painful, even worse than the silence that lingered over dinner. He tried to concentrate on the words on the pages before him but he couldn't get his mind off of Dean. After a while he grew frustrated and headed towards the bedroom, "I'm turning in. Even if the fever's gone I'm still." He let the words just hang there, even he wasn't convinced he was trying to escape.

"Cas? What's wrong?" Dean's voice was slightly raspy, he cleared his throat, "Is it…did I do something?"

Cas froze in his step, "I, I don't know what you mean." He didn't turn and face Dean, "I, I'm just tired. I'm tired."

He heard Dean get up, "Cas don't." He felt a hand on his shoulder and he stopped breathing. He wanted to run away and hide but at the same time he wanted to turn around and face Dean. None of those things happened, instead he just stood there. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

He felt Dean's hand move along his shoulder and down to his bicep, latching on to turn Castiel around, "I'm sorry if I did something to offend you, I—" Dean's face, he was hurting and Castiel wanted nothing more than to comfort him and tell him not to worry, but the words were stuck in his throat. The only thing that came out when his lips parted was a whimper.

Dean's hand instantly moved from Cas' arm to his cheek. He couldn't help himself, he instantly leaned into the touch and swallowed hard. "I, I can't. This is wrong, please stop," Cas whispered, trying to step away from Dean. His body was not cooperating so he reached up with his own hand and pulled Dean's away.

Dropping Dean's hand he turned away quickly and climbed into his bed and buried himself beneath his blankets and pillows. He tried to force himself to sleep. This was bad. This was really bad. He thought he and Dean could be just friends but that was an impossible notion now.

Eventually he did fall asleep but was plagued with images of the pain filled face Dean had when he removed his hand.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A confrontation is due. Dean needs to know. He doesn't want to con Cas into anything but he has to find out why the guy is so scared.

Yet another night and day at the cabin.

(Dean POV)

Dean couldn't sleep—at all. He knew he had screwed up. Every fiber in his body told him that Castiel felt the same but the guy was obviously scared out of his mind about those feelings. Dean didn't know how to go about fixing this one. If they couldn't resolve things quickly Dean couldn't see them managing these next few days together.

He didn't want to go back home before his week at the cabin was up but it could very possibly be the only solution to the current situation.

He wanted to hit something. He wanted to scream and yell and hit his head against the wall. Instead he just sat there feeling utterly defeated.

After another hour of the same thoughts going through his mind and multiple attempts at getting comfortable on the couch—without success—he decided to go for a swim. The temperature outside had dropped to just above freezing but it felt good. The water was actually warmer than the air but he still couldn't stay in for long.

As he walked back to the cabin he made a decision, he was just going to tell Cas how he felt. It couldn't possible get any worse than it was right now. He knew those were damn near jinxing words but he wanted something to happen. If Cas wanted to leave then he'd take him to the nearest train station and remain up here alone.

When he got back inside Castiel was standing in front of the bookshelf. He startled visibly but didn't turn around. Dean went into the bedroom and put on some clean, dry clothes before returning to the living room. He wanted to be comfortable when he confronted Cas.

"Castiel, Cas, we, we need to talk." He watched as Cas just nodded, "I know." Cas sighed and moved over to the couch and curling up on one end. Dean followed suit and sat on the opposite end.

They looked everywhere else but at each other. Or at least their eyes never met when one looked at the other. After a few moments of the awkward silence Dean took a deep breath, it was now or never. "Cas, if you want to leave I understand but I want you to hear me out first. Please?" He finally looked over at Cas, "I'm sorry I kissed you." Dean inwardly flinched, that did not come out how he had wanted. He let out a small chuckle earning a puzzled look from Castiel.

"I, uh, that wasn't," he twisted his hands together and cleared his throat, "Look, I'm not sorry I kissed you. I would do it again in a heartbeat if you'd let me." He paused but silence met him from the other end of the couch, so he pressed forward. "I like you, a lot, and I thought we could just be friends but," he shook his head, "I like you and I think that you like me too, so why, why Cas, why can't we just explore this?"

Dean watched as Castiel finally moved, raising a hand to wipe at his cheek. "Are you crying? I didn't mean to make you cry. I'm sorry Cas, I just," he scooted over a bit but stopped when Castiel flinched.

"Because it's wrong," Cas' voice was barely audible through his sobs. "I, I can't, Dean." Dean sighed before moving closer and wrapping an arm around Castiel's torso. He pulled him towards his chest and stroked his fingers through his hair. Cas tensed up but allowed the touches. "I'm so sorry you feel like that Cas, but I think, I think we can fix this."

Dean could feel Castiel's hands fisting his shirt, clenching and unclenching; he continued to run his fingers through Cas' hair, rocking him gently in his arms.

"How can this wrong? I think I—" Castiel lifted a hand and placed a finger on Dean's lips, "Don't. Just hold me."

(Castiel POV)

They sat there for what seemed like an eternity. Castiel was scared out of his mind. His position was slightly uncomfortable because it restricted blood flow to his feet, but he didn't dare to move. He didn't know what would happen if he did. At one point Dean's hand had come to rest on his shoulder and it felt good.

He had closed his eyes and buried his face in Dean's shirt. It was wet from his tears and he did feel a little embarrassed, however, if it was at all possible, he would like to stay like this forever. He felt so safe in Dean's arms but he knew that sooner or later he'd have to face his fears.

He jumped a little when Dean's hand began to rub up and down his back, "Hey, maybe we should try to get some sleep?" Cas nodded into Dean's chest, "Mmhmm." Dean nudged Cas' shoulders, gently pushing him backwards a bit, then looked him in the eye, "You okay?" Cas closed his eyes and nodded, "Yeah, I think so."

It was a bit awkward when they stood up, Cas could barely feel his feet, he latched onto the only thing available, Dean. Or more specifically, Dean's shoulder, "Sorry, my legs fell asleep on me." Dean just smiled and wrapped an arm around him, holding him up as they walked towards the bedroom.

Dean helped sit Cas down on his bed and then stroked his cheek, "Relax and go to sleep." He gently pushed Cas down until his head hit the pillow. Cas pulled his feet onto the bed and closed his eyes. He felt as Dean reached for the blanket and tucked him in. It was nice.

He peeked out from under his lashes and could see Dean had sat down on the floor next to his bed. He watched as Dean's hand reached up and once again stroked his cheek, and felt it as Dean lent forward and pressed his lips to Cas' forehead.

Dean didn't pull away immediately, instead he left his lips pressed against the skin of Cas' forehead. "I…can I?" he whispered, causing Cas to pull back a little and look up into Dean's eyes.

He knew what was coming and it terrified him, but at the same time it elated him. He wanted it. He gave the barest of nods.

Dean licked his lips quickly and moved forward to close the gap between them.

Castiel's breath hitched as their lips met.

-v-v-v-

 

"Get up sleepy head!" Castiel felt a hard shove on his shoulder, "We're going for a walk." He was still half asleep but immediately recalled their kiss. When Dean nudged him again he sat up trying not to look the man in the face. "What's going on?" Dean looked at him for several seconds before pointing towards the door, "We're going for a walk, get dressed."

He got out of bed as Dean left the room, he was still confused and definitely not awake yet. "What, what's going on?" He repeated poking his head out of the bedroom and saw Dean packing a small backpack. "Nothing, I'm only gonna show you the sites. So get a move on!"

He was ready nearly a half hour later, decked out in his new clothes and boots. The only mirror in the cabin was the small one over the sink so he didn't know how he looked.

Dean smiled as Cas came out into the living room, "You look like a hunter. It suits you." He grabbed a rifle and slung it on his back, adjusting the strap while gesturing the backpack towards Cas, "Come on, I packed food and drinks. You carry this, it's not heavy."

They walked out into the woods behind the cabin. Dean crisscrossed through the terrain at an insane speed, or at least it felt insane to Castiel. He was only used to keeping up with pedestrian traffic in a city. Dean paused every so often to allow Cas to catch up.

"Seriously, are we trying to catch a train or something? I'm going to pass out if we don't slow down or something." Cas knew he sounded a little whiny but this was a bit ridiculous. People did this for fun? As in they enjoyed gallivanting through bushes, over fallen trees, rocks, roots, and whatever else was beneath Cas' feet.

Dean slowed down a bit more, "Sorry," he said a little sheepishly, "I'm used to being here alone. We're not that far now." Cas rolled his eyes, "We have an actual destination? Can we rest there?" Dean chuckled, "Yeah, and we can even eat if you want."

After another fifteen minutes, at a pace Castiel felt much more comfortable with, they came to a clearing the woods. Dean stopped and turned to Cas, "This is my favorite spot." They were on top of a cliff overlooking the valley down below. Castiel wasn't able to enjoy the sight at first, he had slumped down on nearby rock totally exhausted. "I'm sure it's nice but my feet are killing me, so if you don't mind," he said as he began to unlace his boots and pulled them off. "I'm going to have blisters, these boots are torture devices." Dean sat down next to him, "I'm sorry, you didn't get a chance to break them in."

Dean tugged the pack off Cas' back and dug out a thermos, "You want some coffee?" He poured some anyway, not waiting for a response, "Here." Castiel frowned a little but took the cup and a sip. He watched as Dean fiddled some more with the pack, pulling various things out, handing a sandwich to Cas. "You could probably never find your way back now, so uh, tell me about yourself."

Dean was looking directly into Cas' eyes at the moment. "I want to know what makes you tick, and, and I want to know, I want to know why you're so scared. We're not going back until you've told me."

For a second Castiel wondered if he could actually find his way back; it was definitely looking like the easier option than opening up to Dean. His flight reaction was kicking in, especially under the scrutinizing stare Dean was giving him.

"You tricked me! I don't, I can't…" He trailed off with a sigh and looked down at the ground, maybe it's for the best he thought. He hadn't ever really talked to anyone about his life before. He'd never shared his pain with another living soul. Not even Meg.

With a weak voice he started at the beginning. He told Dean about his mother, how she died giving birth to him, and how he felt like his family always blamed him for their loss. He shared how strict his father was, is, and the strained relationship he had with his siblings.

Dean hardly interrupted, he'd asked a few follow up questions every so often, but for the most part he just listened.

"I, I'd never been out in the countryside until, until they sent me to the camp, a camp," he hesitated. He didn't want to talk about that camp and how it screwed him up on the inside. "Like a summer camp?" Dean asked. The memories, the mental abuse, the verbal abuse, it was making his eyes tear up. Dean looked puzzled, "Cas, Cas what's the matter?"

Castiel stood up and paced for a bit. He could feel Dean watching him. He didn't know how to continue. "I, I can't. I can't, Dean."

Dean got up and moved closer, "What? What happened at camp, Cas?"

Cas squeezed his eyes shut and clenched his fists, "They, they tried to cure me. I wanted it to work but it didn't. It didn't work."

When he opened his eyes again and looked towards Dean he could see the confusion in his eyes slowly harden into something else. "They tried to make you straight?"

Castiel nodded and covered his face with his hands, "I, I wanted them to succeed, I, I was so scared." He sniffled a little and let out a barely audible, "I'm still scared, Dean."


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The relationship between Castiel and Dean is developing slowly. Cas gets to learn about his new feelings.

On the cliff overlooking the valley.

(Dean POV)

Dean wanted to wrap his arms around Castiel and tell him that everything was going to be alright, but he hesitated. Cas was still scarred. He was terrified of his own feelings because he'd been taught that they're wrong. Dean didn't know how or if he could fix that, but as he looked at Castiel he knew he had to try. His heart skipped a beat when he realized in that moment that he was falling hard for this guy.

Cas tried to wipe his tears away, "I'm sorry, it's just, it's just—" Dean couldn't help himself anymore, he embraced Cas and pushed the guy's head onto his shoulder. "There's nothing wrong with you Cas. Nothing. You, you're perfect."

He rubbed his hand up and down Cas' back, trying to sooth him. Cas had stiffened up the moment Dean's arm locked around him and he tried to wiggle out of the embrace but after a moment he relaxed. Dean could even feel a hand at the small of his back; Cas' other hand was still covering his face.

They stood like that for a while, the moment turning when Cas' sniffles turned into chuckles. It surprised Dean, enough for him to pull back a little and try to catch Cas' eye. "What's so funny?" Cas wiped at his cheeks and smiled as he glanced down, "My feet are wet, and cold, and they hurt."

"Come on," Dean grabbed Cas' hand and pulled him towards the rock they had initially sat on. "Sit down and take your socks off." Castiel obliged and watched as Dean examined his feet before pulling out a small first-aid kit from the backpack. "I'll cover up the blisters so it won't be so bad on the walk back."

After Dean had covered each blister as tenderly as he could, he pulled out a dry pair of socks from the pack, "Put these on, and your boots." Cas did as he was told, his face scrunching a little as he tugged his boots back on. "The thought of walking all the way back," he swallowed hard as he got to his feet, "it's gonna be a tough walk, but I'll survive." He sat back down and grabbed his coffee cup, "Is there anymore?" Dean nodded and poured the rest of it into his cup, "You want some whiskey with that?" He didn't wait for an answer, just dug out the Jack Daniels and added a generous amount to Cas' cup. Then did the same for his own.

Cas took a swig and Dean could tell the guy didn't like the flavor, he chuckled a little, "If you don't like it, then why'd you buy it?" Cas shrugged and shifted a little, "I, I bought it for you. I figured you were a whiskey drinker." Dean lifted his cup in mock cheers, "It was a good thought. Yeah, I like it, thanks."

Taking a swig from his own cup, Dean turned to Cas again, "You didn't finish your story." He sat down on the ground, "Have you ever, I mean, uh, did you ever have a boyfriend or something?" Castiel shook his head, "No!" He sounded horrified by the mere thought and Dean worried that he was in for a challenge trying to convince Cas that it was okay to be gay. "And Meg, did you, I mean you guys were together for a while right?" Castiel looked down, obviously embarrassed, "We were, a, a couple of months but we never," he sighed, "I have never, uh…" he trailed off.

Dean didn't know how to grasp this new information. Castiel was a virgin. Part of him felt bad for the guy. Glancing up at Cas' face Dean decided to move the conversation in another direction, "You always lived in the city?" Castiel's face lit up, "Yeah, I grew up in Brooklyn and moved out of my father's house when I went to uni."

Cas told him about school and his higher education, how he landed a job in the company he presently works for. That he wrote top-secret code fo the military and couldn't talk about some of his work. Dean wasn't bothered by that, he didn't understand much of it anyway.

Castiel took another sip and looked down at Dean, "What about you? How about you? Tell me about you."

"Not much to tell," Dean shrugged. "I dropped out of college after one semester and have been working at my dad's shop ever since. It may sound boring but I love my life." He smiled and nudged Castiel. "You may be smarter than me, but I think I could teach you a few things about happiness."

Cas nodded slowly, "I'm not so sure that I'm smarter but I believe you on the happiness thing." He cleared his throat, "What about Lisa?" Dean tensed a little, "Lisa? How do you know about her?" Cas blushed a little and looked away, "Oh, I, uh, I, Facebook."

Dean laughed. "You checked me out on Facebook, that's cute." He dragged his fingers through his hair and laughed some more. "Lisa is old news. She wasn't the right one for me."

He wasn't sure if he should say the words that were on the tip of his tongue, and then thought 'to hell with it'. "I think that maybe, uh, I, I like you Castiel. I like you a lot. I—" He turned his head away so he wouldn't have to face Cas, afraid that he'd said too much.

Suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder. "I, I like you too. A lot. It just scares me so much," Cas whispered, "It makes me so happy to be around you and that confuses me."

Dean turned around, "Why?" Why are you confused?" Castiel shook his head and sighed heavily, "Why would God make me so happy being around you if my feelings for you are wrong and sinful?"

Dean turned around fully and got on his knees in front of Cas, he reached up and cupped Castiel's cheeks, looking directly into his eyes, "Because it's not wrong, how can it be? They fed you lies Cas. They screwed you over." He moved forward and kissed Cas on the lips. "Can't you feel how right this is?" He kissed him again, and this time, this time Castiel kissed him back.

Back in the Cabin

(Castiel POV)

Castiel ended up limping the last part of the trip back. He didn't know which foot hurt more and as soon as they were back inside he took his boots off and slumped down on the couch. The walk back was mostly in silence, the only exceptions were the random intervals of Cas' complaints about his feet. Although every time the path widened enough for them to walk side-by-side, Dean would reach out and take Castiel's hand, lacing their fingers together.

Castiel didn't know what was going to happen. He wondered if they were considered a couple now, or did one of them have to actually ask? He tried not to think about it; if he started he'd never stop. He'd let Dean lead the way. Sure he was still terrified but he could do this, he could face his fears.

"Get out of those clothes and get into something comfy, then light the fire. I'll tend to your sore feet when you're done." Dean was hanging his coat and heading towards the bedroom. He returned a few moments later in his pajama pants and t-shirt. Cas followed his example and then he started working on the fire.

Dean had filled a small tub with hot water and when the fire was burning nicely he urged Castiel to sit down. He pulled off the make-shift bandages he applied earlier and placed Cas' feet into the tub. After a while he removed each foot, gently drying them with a towel, making sure to avoid rubbing the blisters. The relief was overwhelming and at one point Castiel let out a small moan of appreciation.

When Dean was done he threw out the water and sat down next to Cas on the couch, "We'll let the air heal them. You don't need a band-aid again until you put shoes on." Dean placed his hand on Cas' knee, Cas held his breath a moment. "You'll be as good as new in a few days." The hand disappeared and Dean got up, "I'll fix some food, want a beer?"

Castiel realized he was hungry, "Sure, but I can help too." Dean turned his head back as he walked towards the kitchen, "Don't worry about it. We have leftovers from two days, it'll take me five minutes."

He soon returned with a beer for Cas, "Just sit, you've had a rough day."

After they had eaten Dean put the dishes away and got another couple of beers, "We should've brought pie." He sat down on the couch and patted the seat next to him, "Come." Cas got up from the chair at the table and walked over to Dean, grabbing the offered beer before he sat down. Dean wrapped his arm around Cas' shoulders and pulled him closer. He could obviously feel how Cas tensed up, "Relax, I'm not gonna, I mean." Cas was pretty sure he knew what he meant and managed to calm down somewhat.

For a while they just sat there, drinking their beers in silence, while Dean caressed Cas' shoulder through the fabric of his t-shirt. When Dean had finished his beer he put the bottle on the table, he sat back and took hold of Castiel's hand. "I have a confession to make." He squeezed the hand a little, Cas looked at him a little curiously, "Is it bad?"

Dean shook his head, "You can be the judge of that." He leaned towards Cas and pecked him on the cheek, "I uh, I've hooked up with random guys and girls over the years. I'm basically a slut, to use Sam's words." He chanced a glance at Castiel before tilting his head down, "I, I've never met anyone before that's made me feel like this, like, like I, I want to keep you."

Castiel closed his eyes and lets the words sink in. The fact that Dean had been with a lot of people sexually didn't bother him. He'd kind of suspected that. The other part of what Dean had said was much more intriguing and almost mind-blowing. Castiel was pretty sure that Dean wanted to have sex with him too and it scared him somewhat, but not as much as he'd thought it would.

Dean nudged him, "You've got to say something, I feel like I'm out on a limb here." Castiel picked on the label of his beer bottle, "I really don't know what to say. I, well I don't care about your past if that's what you're worried about." Dean gave out a sigh of relief, "Good. But uh, would you, could you see yourself, could you see us?" Dean obviously had a hard time finding the words and it pleased Castiel in a weird way.

Castiel smiled to himself and turned to Dean, "This is new to both of us, for different reasons. I have no idea where this is going, and I'm terrified, but," he paused to catch his breath, "I just know that I could get used to your arm around me."

Castiel had no idea where the courage to say those words came from, he just knew they were true. He did feel safe in Dean's arms and even if it was a little scary it didn't matter. Castiel also knew that coming back to civilization again would change a few things but he didn't want to lose Dean. He had to make adjustments in his life so that Dean could fit and be a part of it.

Dean turned his head and nuzzled his face into Cas' hair. "It pleases me," he said as he lifted his hand to Cas' cheek and turning his head gently till they faced each other. Cas could feel Dean's breath against his lips before Dean closed the gap between them. Castiel felt Dean's tongue nudge gently at the seam of his lips and he parted his lips allowing entrance. Dean's breath hitched as their tongues met and caressed each other.

Dean's hand moved down towards Castiel's chest the latter startled and pulled back a little bit. "Don't worry, I'm, I'm not gonna," Dean's voice was soothing as his hand continued downwards until it reached the hem of Cas' t-shirt. With a little flick of his wrist, his hand was underneath the tee and rested—skin-to-skin—on Castiel's stomach. Dean kissed him again and moved his hand up to Cas' chest.

Castiel didn't know if he was breathing at all. He tried his best to reciprocate each kiss Dean offered but this was so different from what he'd experienced before. He really only had Meg to compare to, however, not once did their actions spark the reaction he was feeling now. His own hands were locked effectively around the beer bottle in his lap, covering up the fact that his dick was definitely responding eagerly to the current happenings.

Dean pulled back a little, giving Cas a chance to catch his breath. "Cas," his voice was raspy, "I, I can't, I can't." The hand underneath the shirt disappeared and returned to it's former position on Cas' cheek, "I'm sorry, I, I just, I want you so bad." He pulled himself away and got up and walked into the kitchen.

Castiel closed his eyes and tried to force his erection away; terror and lust warred inside of him. All he really wanted at the moment was for Dean to come back, hold him, and tell him that everything would be okay.

It took a few moments before Dean returned and Castiel suspected that maybe he was struggling with the same problem he was. It was most likely harder for Dean to deal with. The guy never had to cover up these sorts of feelings, not like this. Cas just figured that when Dean had hooked up with someone it was a mutual agreement and things just happened. Except for now, now he was holding back for Cas' sake. He was taking Cas' feelings into account.

Dean sat back down on the couch and looked a little embarrassed, "Cas, I, I hope you understand that I am really, really trying to go slow, but, but it's tough. It's hard. I just, I don't want to freak you out. I want you to want this too." He swallowed and Castiel could see a faint blush spreading across his cheeks, "I, we have plenty of time right? I mean, I, because I can't see myself letting you go—ever."

Castiel felt his heart race, surprised the loud thumping in his ears wasn't audible to Dean as well. "I, I understand Dean." He bit his lip, struggling to find the words that he wanted to use. "I, I wonder, I mean, would it be too hard for you to just," he cleared his throat, "Can you, can you just hold me tonight?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have never been to the Adirondacks. I have never... okay I've been at the airports, but I've never really been to New York. Bear with me and follow the story. Any New Yorkers out there? I'm sorry if I'm twisting it up.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are developing rapidly. Castiel's fears are slowly but surely diminishing. Dean makes a move that he later regrets, but then...

(Dean POV)

Can you just hold me tonight?

Dean didn't really know what Cas meant by that. Did he mean for right now or the entire night? Not that either time frame mattered much, Dean was glad to oblige Cas' wish. He nodded and was about to resume his spot on the couch when Castiel got up and headed to the bedroom. Dean heard the bathroom door close and waited while Cas did his business.

A few minutes later the door opened, but Cas didn't come back out to the living room. A creak from the bed alerted Dean to Cas' location, then a voice calling out, "Are you coming?"

Dean collected himself and entered the bedroom. Cas hadn't turned on any of the lights so Dean could barely make out the outline of Castiel's body under the covers. As he neared he noticed that Cas was facing the wall and the man's hair was already ruffled against he pillow.

Dean merely stared for a few moments, "I'll be right there," he uttered barely louder than a whisper. He headed for the bathroom, took a leak and brushed his teeth before returning to the bedroom. He eased himself in beside Castiel, wrapping his arms around the other man's waist and tugging him in close. He pressed a kiss to the back of Cas' neck and murmured, "Sleep tight angel," against his skin. The pet name slipped out naturally as he felt Cas' hands cover his own.

(Castiel POV)

Castiel was alone when he woke up the next morning, but he could hear Dean rummaging through the cupboards in the kitchen. He got up and headed to the bathroom, presuming that Dean was preparing breakfast for the two of them.

He sat down at the dining table and merely watched Dean as he served a rather simple breakfast.

After breakfast the two carried on conversing with each other on the couch. They talked about everything under the sun, but mostly they talked about themselves.

Majority of the day was spent inside. Dean had gone out for a swim at one point, but it was short, and Cas had gone out to replenish the firewood logs, but other than that it was just the two of them together. Lunch and dinner were simple affairs, mostly canned foods, and their conversations still moved along. Dean was relentless in his attempt to understand Castiel. Before the day was over Cas had told Dean everything there was to tell the other man about his life so far.

Dean's reactions to Castiel's life had ranged from sadness to anger throughout the stories he'd been told. There were a few moments of laughter and even some moments that had nearly brought him to tears. Castiel wasn't sure if all of these revelations were necessarily a good thing, but in the end Dean had embraced him and kissed him.

Cas, I, I'm falling in love with you, can you, can you handle that?" Dean was holding him close, tight, whispering those words with his lips brushing along Cas' ear.

Castiel wasn't sure if he could, but he wanted to. The feelings he was feeling himself towards Dean were totally different to anything he'd ever felt before; "I, I don't know…it, it scares me so much, so much that," he paused because his mind blanked out. "I, I think I'm," the words got stuck in his throat and Dean just pulled him closer, "I'm gonna fix you."

When they climbed into bed, they resumed their positions from last night. Dean held Cas tight, his chest pressed against Cas' back. It felt good, nice—it felt like heaven.

When Castiel woke up he noticed they had both shifted in their sleep. Cas was on his back, his legs bent in slightly awkward positions due to the short length of the bed, but Dean's head was on his shoulder and his hand was practically cupping Cas' crotch. Castiel had never experienced anyone this close to his penis before and it was a little alarming. The fact that he was aroused made it even worse.

Seconds later he felt Dean's hand move, landing on his stomach. Cas sighed in relief and attempted to go back to sleep. After a few moments though he realized that Dean wasn't asleep either, he could feel his hand moving downwards and slip beneath the elastic band of his pajama bottoms. Cas attempted to relax and just go with the moment but he couldn't help the hitch in his breath when Dean's pinky swept over the head of his cock.

"You awake?" Dean's sleepy voice asked, as his hand moved further down, wrapping fully around Cas' dick. "No," the sound escaped in a breathless moan. The sensation was unbelievable, he wanted to pretend to be asleep so he could enjoy this without being bothered by his own self-consciousness.

"If you're asleep then I apologize," Dean whispered against his ear. Of course Dean knew he was awake, he'd already replied to a direct question. "I still hope you remember this," Dean murmured as he began to move his hand up and down very slowly.

Cas fought to stay calm but suddenly his world exploded in pleasure. Jerking himself off was nothing compared to this. He could barely breathe from the overwhelming sensations. His hips jerked and his breath stuttered a short few minutes later as he felt the insides of his pajamas soak with his cum.

Dean gently removed his hand and wrapped his arms back around Cas, tugging him closer before placing a kiss on his neck, "I'm sorry, I," his lips brushed against the skin of Cas' shoulder. "Dammit Cas, I'm, I'm not sorry, I'm," his voice faded and Castiel moved to cover Dean's hand with his own. "It's fine. I'm fine."

(Dean POV)

Dean let his lips linger on Cas' shoulder, nibbling a little at the skin. He was painfully hard, fighting not to rut against Cas' hip. He didn't know what to do but he lost the fight, he started moving his hips attempting to get even just a little bit of friction.

"Dean," Cas' voice was weak, "I, I don't, I don't know what you expect from me right now, I," Dean's breath hitched, "I don't expect anything, it's just," he groaned and rolled over onto his back, letting go of Castiel.

Dean needed release and he was pretty sure Cas wouldn't help him out at the moment, should he get up? Go relieve himself in the bathroom? Would Cas know what he'd be doing? He moved his own hand down to rest on his crotch, flinching at the slight shift of fabric against his sensitive skin.

Castiel turned and looked at him, "I, I don't know what to do."

Those eyes, those blue, blue eyes; Dean couldn't help himself. He pushed his pants down and wrapped his hand around his throbbing dick. With his free hand he grabbed Cas' and put it on top of his own, "Please, just, just go with it."

Castiel didn't move but he allowed his hand to follow along with Dean's movements as they stared into each other's eyes. Despite being lost in the pleasure of finally getting some release, Dean tried to imagine how it would be to fuck Cas. He didn't get very far before he came with a rather loud moan escaping through his lips.

Castiel had closed his eyes as he pulled his hand away from Dean's. Dean didn't get embarrassed very often, priding himself in being careless and carefree, but at the moment he was ashamed. He was ashamed of himself and had no idea how to proceed. Castiel was terrified of the whole gay thing and Dean knew, he knew and had still taken advantage of him. He worried that he'd ruined everything with being so impatient. Castiel still hadn't said a word which just added to Dean's uneasiness.

Dean knew he had to get up and clean himself off. He eased himself out from under the covers and sat on the edge of the bed for a moment, "Hey, uh, you can, you can use the shower, I'll, I'll go take a dip in the lake." He slowly got to his feet, pulling up his pants, waiting for Castiel's answer. After a few moments silence still hung in the air, he grabbed the towel hanging from the top bunk and left the room.

It was chilly outside and goosbumps appeared on his skin the moment he sat foot on the porch. It was also wet; this was going to be a cold experience. The rain felt like ice pellets as it fell against his body. The temperature outside was probably around 36 but the wind chill made it fell much lower.

Dean knew this would the last dip for the season. Winter came early in the mountains and he knew that if he were to come back later in the season the lake would be frozen.

He tried to drag his swim out but he knew he had to go back. He held on until he couldn't feel his toes anymore.

When he made it back and inside he realized that Castiel had started a fire and the temperature inside was leaning towards comfortable. Dean could hear the sound of running water and hurried to dry himself off and get into warm, dry clothes. In the kitchen he whipped together omelets and made toast. When Cas appeared from the bedroom the food was already on the table.

Not a word was uttered as they ate and this time it wasn't comfortable, it was painstaking.

Dean wanted to explain himself but his brain wasn't working properly. He peeked up at Cas every so often and tried to give the guy a smile but it felt fake. When the food was gone Dean cleared up the table and carried the dishes into the kitchen.

He took his time, but he could hear Castiel moving around in the living room. The guy was probably freaked out and bothered by what happened. Dean wanted to go out there and just hold him, tell him he wanted them to work, but he was afraid that Cas would just push him away. He startled when he heard Castiel clear his throat behind him.

"If that was all you wanted from me I'm a little disappointed." Dean turned around and stared, "What? I, oh, uh, Cas," he lowered his gaze and swallowed hard. "You, you're not angry?" He spoke to the floorboards and felt Cas' hand on his shoulder. "Why would I be angry Dean?" Dean looked up and examined Cas' face, he didn't look angry, just confused. He hesitated for a moment before reaching out to take one of Castiel's hands and lifted it to his lips, "I, I thought, I don't know."

Castiel smiled shyly and looked away, "Dean, I, I'm terrified by my own feelings but when you, when you act like this it scares me even more." He gave Dean a quick peek, "I can't lie to myself any longer. I, I want this Dean. I want you."

Dean could see that Cas' face had taken on a rather adorable shade of red. He kissed Cas' knuckles again. "I'm an idiot," he stated firmly before wrapping his arms around Castiel. Cas lent his head on Dean's shoulder and sighed, "Are we good now?"

Dean ran his hands up and down Cas' back, "I, I told you wanted to, I want to keep you. I, I want you too." He wasn't sure if he should continue but the words just slipped out, "I'm in love with you, angel." Castiel chuckled, "Why do you call me that?" He pulled back a little and looked at Dean with a smile. Dean lifted his hand and cupped Cas' cheek, "You're so innocent and angelic, and your name, I, I don't know, it just suits you."

Castiel chuckled again, "Angels aren't necessarily innocent or nice, in the old testament—" Dean covered Cas' mouth with his hand, "Oh shut up, I'm sure you're right, but humor me. Let me have my own image of angels." He removed his hand, replacing it with his lips, giving Cas a quick kiss.

"Remember when we agreed that I could teach you about happiness?" He whispered against Castiel's lips, who just nodded, "Well, we were wrong; so, so wrong. I don't think I knew happiness before now. You make me happy."


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel is comfortable in Dean's company. The fear is diminishing and he enjoys just being there. He does wonder a little about how Dean will act among other people. He also wonders how he himself will act among other people.

Late October

(Castiel POV)

They worked seamlessly together cleaning up from their meal, washing, drying and putting the dishes away. It was nice. Once the last dish was put away they made coffee. With a cup each they headed for the couch, sat together and stared at the fire.

Castiel took a sip, letting the warmth permeate through him, "So what are going to do today? The weather is, less than ideal to be outside in." Dean rolled his eyes, "We won't get bored if that's what you're worried about. Being cooped up inside all day has its perks," he said as he patted Castiel's thigh, "but we do have to pack and tidy up."

Cas just looked at him, "And after we've done that? Then what?" Dean smirked, "I'm sure we could come up with something." "Something that could result in us eating a lot? I don't think I want to carry all the food and drink back with us." Dean laughed, "I can agree with you on that," he stood up, "You know, I can check if the Harvelle's are at their cottage; if so, they'll let me use their washing machine."

Castiel blushed and was fairly certain that Dean was referring to the soiled sheets on the bottom bunk. "The Harvelle's?" he asked. Dean nodded as he entered the bedroom, "Yeah, the ones who let me use the ATV, remember? They usually come up on weekends and since they weren't here when we got here, they're most likely up here now. I'll try going by a little later." He came out of the room with his arms full of bundled up sheets and blankets. "I'll uh, I'll take care of these," a light pink tinged his cheeks, "You, uh, you find out what we can eat today. Anything that will keep over the winter can stay."

Cas' mind caught up with the bundles in Dean's arms, "What are we supposed to sleep with tonight?" He wasn't prepared to go to bed without a blanket, the fire dies out and the cool that filters through would make it a rather uncomfortably chilly night. "I, I mean, I just, I don't want to freeze to death." Dean just smiled, "We've got a spare blanket, we, we'll only need the one, right?"

Castiel knew what Dean was implying—they were going to share a bed again. "Sure, yeah, okay." He could feel his cheeks flush with heat as various thoughts ran through his mind. He had to close his eyes for a second to compose himself. The thought of Dean's body so close to his in bed was actually comforting. He was surprised that only a small part of him was slightly disturbed, but he wasn't terrified of the thought.

While Castiel sorted through the food, Dean was sorting through all of their clothes and packing everything that they wouldn't need for the remainder of their stay. With a small 'goodbye' Dean set off for the neighbors.

With the mesh up of various food items before him Castiel was having a hard time configuring recipes that didn't sound too outlandish. His eyes kept lingering on the two apples he found; the idea struck him and he went with it. In a matter of minutes he had all of the ingredients for a pie in front of him—he smiled.

He knew the apples weren't the correct type for baking, they weren't tart enough, but he was going to make it work. He decided to use less sugar than he usually would. It was going to be a small pie, but it didn't matter, he was determined to do this. He couldn't find an actual pie pan—he wasn't surprised—but settled on a small dish with raised edges hoping it wouldn't crack in the oven.

He prepared the crust and baked it and chilled it as per the requirements. While the crust was in the fridge he began to put together the filling.

He let the pie sit; all it needed at this point was to be baked. He spent two hours cleaning up the kitchen and making sure all the dishes were clean. Their next meal was ready to go, potatoes and carrots were already boiling on the stove top, the remainder of the non-frozen fish sat in a pan ready to be fried up. Castiel headed to the couch, picking up a book from the shelf while he waited for Dean to return.

Cas felt himself begin to doze, his head fell back but he jerked himself awake. He heard footsteps on the porch and stared at the door. It opened, revealing Dean with a bundle of linens in his arms, "They're not dry, we can hang 'em up in front of the fireplace." He dropped the bundle on the table and went back outside, returning with an old, worn clothes rack, "I don't think they'll be dry by tonight, but that won't matter."

Castiel got up and moved to help him but Dean waved him off, "No, I, it's fine, I got this. I'm actually kind of hungry, any food ready? Ellen offered me some food but I, I'd rather eat here with you," he said with a smile. Cas smiled back and headed towards the kitchen, "Food's coming up, but don't peek!"

Castiel served them their meal and they ate in a mixture of comfortable silence and small talk. Once finished Dean was about to get up with the dishes but Castiel stopped him, "No, I'll do it, you, you just sit. Wait here."

He had popped the pie in the oven before they sat down to eat; opening the oven door caused the scent to quickly fill the room and he heard Dean's voice call out, "I smell something good, what is it?"

Castiel was glad the dish hadn't broke during the baking process and hoped the pie tasted as good as it smelt. "Be patient, all will be revealed in due time. Do you want any coffee?" He didn't bother waiting for a reply and poured coffee into two mugs and carried them out into the living room. He returned the kitchen twice more, once for plates and forks, and then to fetch the pie.

It wasn't his best but Dean's praise could've fooled anybody. "Oh my god, you made pie! I'm, uh, this, this is so good." He leaned over and kissed Cas on the cheek, leaving behind a sticky line from the filling. "Sorry, let me get that." He wiped Cas' cheek with a napkin and sighed, "You know Cas, if, if there was any doubt before," he peeked over at Cas, "Really there wasn't, but if uh, if there was, this pie alone would give me reason enough to keep you."

Castiel playfully scoffed, "Seriously it wasn't that great, but thanks." He chuckled a little, "If, if we were in my kitchen, with all the right ingredients," he offered a shy smile, "I, I could make you a pie that is to die for." Dean's gaze immediately went down to his plate while he licked his fingers clean, "Really?" He finally looked up at Cas, who nodded, "Yeah, really."

Castiel felt a little awkward talking about his own cooking like that, and as if Dean had read his mind he uttered, "I don't know you that well but I don't think it's quite your style to brag." He looked at Cas, "Your pie making skills must be awesome." Castiel could feel himself blushing, "It is and, and now I've, I have someone to bake for, right?" Dean got up from his chair and went to Cas, hugging him and placing a kiss on the top of his head, "Definitely."

Once again they both cleaned up the dishes, working around and with each other. They retired to the couch, slumping into comfortable positions with a book in hand. Castiel felt comfortable despite the silence lingering between them, but he noticed that after a while Dean seemed a bit antsy and tried to ignore it. It wasn't that he didn't care about Dean's feelings, but he was enjoying just being there with him. After everything that had been said this week, and especially the last couple of days, the term awkward silence didn't exist between them. However, it appeared that Dean was not of the same opinion.

"Hey Cas, are you okay?" Dean glanced up from his book, "I mean, you're, you're awfully deep into that book." Castiel chuckled and let the book rest on his lap, "Yes Dean, I'm fine. This is actually quite perfect." He shook his head, "Don't worry, I don't need to be entertained." Dean frowned a little, "Oh, it, it wasn't like I was going to," he sighed, "I do worry when you're so quiet though. I'm afraid you're bored and I am your host here."

Castiel had to laugh, "I thought I had dibs on the worrying." He glanced down for a second, "I'm really never bored Dean. This is perfect. Just being here with you and not being afraid, not feeling scared about, about everything. It, it's, this is something I could get used to." Dean scooted closer and took Cas' hand, "Me too." He kissed Cas' fingertips before returning to his book. "Can, can I just sit here?" At Castiel's nod he placed his head on the other man's shoulder and shifted till both were comfortable.

A while later Dean cleared his throat, "Ellen and Bill invited us over tonight, the Harvelle's." He scrunched his face as he moved so he could look at Castiel, "I should've told you before but I really didn't know if I wanted to go." Castiel didn't know if he wanted to go either, he didn't know those people, "Whatever you want is fine with me." Dean shook his head, "No, no, don't say that Cas, be honest."

Cas had to think about it for a while. He didn't know if they would believe that he and Dean were just friends but regardless it could be nice to go there just to be with Dean amongst other people. It could be like a trial-run before they went back to civilization. Cas nodded to himself and turned to Dean, "Yeah, we should go. They seem like nice people."

The weather was even worse than it had been earlier. Castiel wasn't quite sure but it looked like it was snowing a little higher up in the mountains. The wind had definitely picked up, but the coat and pants Cas had bought upon Dean's insistence from his store did their job at keeping him warm the whole way to the Harvelle's. His blisters weren't fully healed but with the proper band-aids it wasn't so bad.

When they finally arrived Ellen greeted them at the door and urged them to hurry inside. "It's really cold out tonight, but welcome." She gave Dean a quick hug and turned to Castiel, "And this is?" Dean was busy getting his coat off and stopped with a slightly apologetic look on his face, "Oh, sorry Ellen, this is Castiel, Cas," he hesitated before he wrapped an arm around Cas' shoulders, "He's a very, very good friend." Ellen gave Cas a wink before she practically shoved them into the living room. "I see, well a friend of the Winchester's is always welcome here."

She stopped in the entryway to the room, "Bill, will you get the boys a drink." Bill was busy tending to the fireplace. He got to his feet once satisfied with his job, and reached a hand out to Castiel, "Bill, and you I guess are Castiel. Interesting name." His eyes wandered from Cas to Dean and back again, then shrugged and patted Dean's arm. "Well Dean I, I'll get you boys some drinks."

Castiel closed his eyes for a moment; the expressions on Ellen and Bill's faces when they greeted him told him that they knew. They knew that he and Dean shared something more than friendship. He wondered if Dean had told them or if they just guessed. They didn't seem to have a problem with it so Castiel tried to not let it bother him.

Dean sat down on the couch and patted the seat next to him. Cas sat down and a few minutes later a young girl came out of the kitchen with four cups on a little tray, Billy right behind her. "Irish coffee, just to get you warmed up after the long walk." He smiled and turned to the girl, "Jo, this is Castiel." Jo put the tray down and held out her hand, "Jo," she mumbled with a fake smile.

As soon as Jo and Castiel had finished their handshake the girl abruptly left the room. Ellen apologized for her behavior, "Sorry, she's really a nice girl bu—" Before Ellen had finished, Jo's voice came from the kitchen, "Mom, shut the fuck up!" Castiel startled at the harsh words and wondered if she would be reprimanded for cursing. Ellen turned and walked into the kitchen and said something to Jo but Castiel couldn't make out the words being said.

Dean leaned over, "She's always had a crush on me." He chuckled, "But I've never looked at like anything other than a little sister." He squeezed Cas' hand, "She'll come around when she gets to know you. It'll be fine."

After they had all finished their coffees Bill began mixing drinks. Dean settled for beer telling Cas that Bill wasn't the best bartender in the world. Castiel would've preferred a glass of wine but out of politeness he braved a few of the concoctions Bill served up. They weren't too bad but Cas had little experience with alcohol so he got up and went to the kitchen to get some water.

Jo was sitting by the counter with a magazine and listening to music on her ipod. Her eyes followed him as he crossed the room; she pulled out an ear bud, "Are you his boyfriend?" Cas startled a little from the direct question and attempted to busy himself by searching for a glass in the cupboards. Jo got up from her seat and approached him, "Glasses are here." She handed him one and stared into his eyes, "So, are you?"

Cas shifted a little on his feet, feeling a little uncomfortable under her scrutinizing stare, "Uh, well, we've, we've only known each other for, uh, not so long." He had to turn away from her, "It's just, well it's, it's sort of," Cas filled up his glass and lifted it to his lips. Jo lent against the counter, her gaze softening just slightly but there were still a small frown on her face, "I've known him for forever and I've never seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you." Suddenly her frown turned into a bright smile, "I've always loved him, but I knew, I just knew that he'd end up with a guy."


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A long wait, I know. Sorry about that. I hope you'll find out it was worth it.
> 
> Dean and Castiel are taking the next step towards a serious relationship. Actually several steps.

A long walk and a long night.

(Dean POV)

The walk back to the cottage was tough. Castiel was more than a little tipsy and Dean had to hold onto him the whole way back so the guy wouldn't stumble over a stray branch, or a root, let alone his own two feet. The flashlight they'd brought along didn't provide much light, but Dean knew the way and could probably find the cabin blindfolded. The Harvelle's had offered to let the boys stay over but Dean had politely declined when he noticed that Cas was uncomfortable with the offer.

Back in the cabin, Dean quickly hurried to light the fire before he helped Cas undress. "Are you going to get sick?" He asked, putting away their coats. Castiel shook his head, "No, I don't think so. I'm really fine. I didn't drink that much." Dean couldn't help but laugh a little at that, "I know, but still, I, I guess you're not used to partying."

Castiel managed to get his own boots and pants off, but that seemed to have taken all the strength he had. He sat down on the couch and looked up at Dean. "Don't worry, I'll be fine. I'm just tired." Dean smiled and walked over to him, "Then we should go to bed don't you think?" He held out his hand, offering for Cas to grab it. He helped pull him to his feet and wrapped his arms around him. Cas placed his head on Dean's shoulder and let his lips brush against the skin of his neck, "Dean, I, Dean I want…"

Castiel had trailed off. They both stood here, so close, in only t-shirts and their underwear. Dean could feel Castiel's cock against his own but he knew that Cas was drunk, he wasn't sure how to proceed. He didn't want to take advantage of him. Suddenly Cas pulled his head back a little and looked into Dean's eyes as he shifted his hip, pressing his crotch forward, grinding against Dean.

What happened next was almost surreal. One moment Dean knew they were pressed together in the living room, and the next they were both completely naked tangled together on the bed. Hands roamed and mouths tasted and Dean had no idea who he was, remaining patient and not fucking Cas senseless. He continued exploring the other man's body, allowing his hands to caress every inch of skin he could touch. He could feel his own cock ache and twitch, his desire for release nearly overwhelming but he pushed his own urges away—this would be for Cas.

The small bottle of lube that he knew was in his backpack found its way into his hand and he couldn't tell you if it was by his own doing or Cas'. Castiel whimpered and keened as Dean's touches began to focus in one single area, rubbing and teasing before a lubed finger penetrated Castiel. The tightness was almost scary and Dean was worried he'd need more time than he had. His own cock was already releasing pre-cum and he wasn't sure if it was possible to hold back.

After reassuring Cas that things were fine and he needed to relax, it was okay, he felt the muscle relax and pressed his finger forward. Pressing forward and pulling out a few times before adding another. The moment both digits were inside Castiel shrieked. Dean stopped immediately, pausing in pressing forward, "Cas?" Cas shook his head, "I, I'm fine," he panted out.

Dean managed to detach himself from his own needs and concentrated solely on Cas'. He had never in his life been so focused on pleasing someone else—wanting to please someone else. Before this, Sex had been nothing but a way of satisfying himself.

This was different. He kissed Cas everywhere he could reach. He let his lips brush over the head of Cas' cock as he twisted his fingers, shifting and thrusting to help stretch the other man open. Castiel was panting and moaning under Dean's administrations, but when Dean added a third finger Cas held his breath and didn't make a sound. Dean could see that he was clearly in pain but Cas nodded, he wanted this.

Dean watched as Cas' body shifted and listened at the noises that escaped his lips before removing his fingers. He shifted, crawling up the bed to kneel between Cas' spread legs. He lifted Cas at the hips, maneuvering him until his butt was in his lap. Castiel's eyes flashed with slight fear before he closed them and nodded.

When the head of Dean's lubed cock nudged the puckered hole, Cas tensed for a second before he sighed and let his body relax. Dean pushed forward and could feel the muscle give under the pressure. Once the head was inside Dean had to pause, the heat, the tightness, it was insane. He leaned forward and stroked Cas' cheek, "You okay?" Castiel took a deep breath, "Yeah," he hitched out, squeezing his eyes shut.

Dean slowly and carefully pressed forward, stopping once again when he was completely inside the other man. Asking once again if he was okay; at another nod of consent he started to fuck Cas with slow thrusts.

At first Castiel was nonresponsive, lying still, but then he started to emulate Dean's movements. He grabbed onto Dean's arms, locking his hands around Dean's wrists.

Dean took his time, focusing on making Cas feel good. When the other man started to shift and move along with him he began to speed up. Cas keened in pleasure as his orgasm hit, squirting cum over his stomach. Dean wasn't too far behind and a few thrust later he came too.

Cas panted heavily, catching his breath as tears streaked his temples. Dean reached blindly around for something to wipe Castiel clean with. His fingers touched a towel that was left on the nightstand. He gently wiped Castiel's abdomen and shifted the two of them around, placing the towel beneath Cas' ass. He pulled out slowly, tucking Cas into his arms, placing kisses all over his face.

"Everything will be okay. I love you." The words slipped out but Dean knew they were true. He may not have known Cas for very long but there was no doubt in his mind that this, this was it. This is was what love felt like.

(Castiel POV)

Waking up on their last morning at the cabin Castiel didn't feel any different from before, yet at the same time he felt elated. According to everything he'd been taught he had just committed one of the worst sins a man could ever commit. The only thing Cas could think of was how good he felt, how happy he was feeling now. Sure there was pain, but it didn't even compare to the pleasure of it all, and the lingering pain just reminded him of what he and Dean had done. If this was so wrong, why was it even possible? Why did the creation of human beings make it possible for two men to share this?

How could God make it a sin to love someone? God's love was limitless according to everything he'd learned over the years. Why should His creations have all these rules on who they can and cannot fall in love with? Why would God let people who loved each other go to hell just because it didn't fit in with society?

Ever since Castiel met Dean for the first time, Cas had started to doubt the teachings he'd been subjected to. Getting to know the other man, falling for the other man, and now having slept with the other man, he agreed with Dean. How could it possibly be wrong when it felt so right?

Earlier in his life he had felt so angry, so devastated and distraught—how could God lead him astray? How could He allow Castiel to feel so miserable that he'd want to kill himself?

He'd never gotten a sigh from Him that his feelings and urges were wrong. He didn't get a positive affirmation either, but Cas knew that this was how he was created. Was it possible that he was made as a mistake? Was it possible that God had made a mistake when He made people that fall in love with those of the same sex? After pondering long and hard, and the talks he's had with Dean, he's decided that it wasn't God's doing. God didn't make mistakes; He had given humanity the gift of limitless love and those who claimed to convey His teachings had misinterpreted a few essentials.

Castiel looked over at Dean, still asleep next to him. He began to wonder about what would happen when they got back. Dean had told him that he'd never been interested in being in a relationship before, but he had said he loved him last night—was it just a heat of the moment thing?

His thoughts were interrupted when Dean shifted and opened his eyes, looking at Castiel. "Good morning Angel, sleep well?" Castiel drew a breath and smiled shyly, "Like a baby." For a few moments the two men just stared into each others eyes.

Dean moved to get up, "I want to get out of here early." He stroked Cas' cheek before putting his feet on the floor. Cas startled a little, Dean wanted to get this trip over with fast. Nothing was going to happen when they got back. His heart sunk and he felt tears build in his eyes.

With his back turned Dean couldn't see Cas' reaction, but he continued on, "I want to get back early enough so that I can take you out on a date tonight; a proper date, a real date." He stood and moved towards the bathroom, "I want to kiss you but my mouth tastes horrible."

Castiel sighed in relief. He didn't say anything because he knew his voice would crack due to his emotions and recent thought process.

When Dean came out of the bathroom he came directly to Cas, leaning in for a kiss and Cas shook his head, "Sorry, my breath would probably kill you." He chuckled a little and tried to hide the fact that he was wiping a tear off his cheek. Dean moved back, "Oh, I see how it is. Well get in the shower, I'll just wait till I'm home." He smiled and blew a kiss instead, "I've got to prep this place for winter."

Two hours later they were ready to leave and Dean locked up after checking that he had done everything. The long trek to the car wasn't as unpleasant as before, their packs were lighter and the prospect of a date moved their pace along. That also meant that Dean had to stop a few times for Cas to catch up.

In the car Cas wondered if Dean would say anything about what had happened the night before. A part of him wanted to talk about it but in the end he was happy the topic never came up. Instead Dean had asked him what he wanted to do on their first, official date. They worked out details and talked about things they liked and disliked about previous dates; when Dean parked his car outside the shop they'd come to the agreement that Cas would head home via the train and they'd meet up in the city later.

(Dean POV)

They made quick, but pleasant work of their date, instead choosing to return to Castiel's apartment. Being amidst actual civilization, proper lighting and definite running water, they were able to explore each other more thoroughly. Their night at the cabin paled in comparison. Dean was fond of Cas' new-found boldness.

They spent the entirety of the next day together. For the first time in a long time Castiel didn't go to church that Sunday. They explored the city instead. He told Dean he didn't even feel about skipping out, claiming that he's starting a new chapter in his life. He didn't need all the pomp and circumstance to still have a relationship with God. Dean, not being a religious man himself, couldn't quite understand the concept but offered Castiel his support regardless.

When they parted that evening, they left each other with the promise to meet as often as possible. Living the distance apart they did and the long hours they each worked, they knew it wouldn't be easy but they were determined to make something of their relationship.

For Dean this was new. He had never seen himself committing to another person like this, but what he had with Cas, it felt right. Thinking back on his past behavior and sparse relationships—if they could be labeled as such—he couldn't understand why he was so against having something like this. He knew in his heart that this is what he'd been looking for his whole life. Screwing around and hooking up with random people was something of the past now. Cas had changed him. In a matter of weeks he'd gone from avoiding commitment like it was the plague to actually seeing a future with Cas. He could actually see himself growing old with him.

He knew it wouldn't always be easy, but as he told his brother on the phone once he made it home, "My hunting days are over." He and Sam knew it was the lamest metaphor he could've used but he didn't mind. "I've found myself Sammy. I'm in love. I'm in love for the first time in my life." Sam seemed a little surprised but he offered his congratulations, "I can't wait to meet him Dean. He must be pretty special." Dean caught himself nodding and chuckled into the phone, "He is."


	14. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally the end. I'm sorry guys. It took a while, but now it's here. The end of the road for my Dean and Cas. Or maybe a new beginning. This fic is over though. I hope you'll enjoy this short chapter. Big hugs to Jenamy for helping me with this.

Eight months later somewhere outside NYC.

(Castiel POV)

Castiel was sitting on a bench outside of the church where Sam and his now wife Jess had said their vows. He was waiting for Dean to return from the photo shoot in the park near by. As Sam's Best Man, Dean was expected to tag along with the rest of the bridal party and other close friends and family. Cas could see that they were taking photos of the wedding party, specifically one of the Best Man and the Maid of Honor.

Cas had politely walked away when he received a text on his phone and found himself seated on the bench he currently occupied. It had been eight months since he and Dean had gotten together. Those eight months had been both traumatic and wonderful.

The last time Castiel had seen his father was at Thanksgiving dinner, only weeks after the camping trip. Dinner had been served, eaten, packed up and put away, and everyone was enjoying each other's company—Castiel had decided it was time. He didn't mention Dean, not to begin with, he just told his family that he was gay and that they had to deal with it.

The reactions were instantaneous and expected—disappointed and repulsed. Gabriel had even pulled him from the room and gave Castiel a piece of his mind but Cas stood firm and told him that he was in a relationship and he was happy. His father had followed them and pierced Castiel with the harshest stare before asking Castiel to leave. He was also told to not bother returning home until he returned to his senses.

In December he got a conditional invitation to Gabriel's traditional Christmas dinner. The condition was that the family had come to terms with Castiel's homosexuality but he was to suppress those sinful urges and break off his relationship with Dean. He declined the invitation to Gabriel's. However, he and Dean accepted the invitation to Sam and Jess' for Christmas.

The last time he saw his brother face to face Gabriel had showed up on his door step and told him there was still hope, "If you turn your life around now, there's still a chance for forgiveness and salvation." Gabriel practically begged him but Castiel shook his head, "I was so screwed up when I met Dean that I was actually contemplating killing myself Gabriel." Gabriel's eyes widened, he opened his mouth to reply but Castiel cut him off, "I don't need to be saved, not anymore. Dean did that for me."

Dean's family had reacted totally different. The Winchester clan had welcomed him into their midst without hesitation due to the fact that he'd made Dean a better man. Castiel could secretly agree on that. Before they had got together Dean was sleeping around and drank way too much and had no inclination to continue his education. Now he was pondering on taking classes so that he could take over the store some day, or at least enough to be co-owner. John was beyond supportive of the idea and thanked Castiel for bringing out the best in his son.

It had been tough at times to. Those first few weeks back from the cabin were a huge adjustment for Castiel. He had trouble sleeping, or rather staying asleep. He'd wake up from horrible nightmares. The only thing that seemed to help were the nights that Dean spent at his place, or when he stayed at Dean's. Eventually the nightmares faded, and all together stopped after the Thanksgiving confrontation with his family.

They had been back to the cabin a few times during the spring. The most recent only a few weeks ago; Dean finally persuaded Cas to get into the water. It had been chilly but the sun had quickly warmed them up after the quick dip. They chased each other outside around the cabin naked, playing tag until they heard the roar of an engine. Hiding behind some trees and stifling their giggles they watched as Ellen approached on her ATV. She knocked and looked around for them before leaving a note on the door. It was an invitation to a party at the Harvelle's which they happily attended.

The Harvelle's had taken to Cas well too. Accepting him quickly into their hearts, even meeting up with him and Dean in the city several times. It didn't take long for Ellen to treat Cas like a son even if she wasn't that much older than him. For Cas, who had never had a mother, it had been very emotional at first. He'd even been invited to Jo's graduation and both he and Ellen had cried when she accepted her diploma. Dean and Bill both attempted to hide their own emotions by mocking the two of them.

There was a time when Jo had broken up with a guy she'd been dating for a few months and she went to Castiel for comfort. Despite their age gap the two had become the best of friends.

He'd also been introduced to some of Dean's buddies and discovered that his boyfriend was a popular guest at any party. Except for a few cheeky comments they'd all been rather supportive and treated Castiel as one of them.

A couple months ago they'd bumped into Lisa at a bar they were meeting Sam and Jess at for drinks. Cas recognized her from the pictures but pretended not to know who she was. Dean seemed momentarily uncomfortable but then she whispered something into his ear and he'd laughed and thanked her. Cas was curious but left it alone during the introductions. She looked at him, "I knew it you know," she gave him a bright smile. "I always suspected that he was, hmm, mostly gay." She lifted her glass in a silent toast and took a sip before continuing, "I'll always think of him with fondness, he's a great guy. I could never make him this happy though. Take care of him will you?" Castiel nodded and she left them both with a smile.

Life was good. Castiel missed his family and wished that they would one day come around, but he wasn't going to hold his breath. They had to take the first step if they wanted to keep in touch. He supposed there was hope; a week ago Gabriel accepted his friend request on Facebook that he'd sent him two months ago.

The biggest problem that he and Dean were facing right now was distance. They still lived in their respective apartments, still so far apart. Some days they didn't even have time to meet up. They'd been looking into buying a place somewhere between their current places and had just put in a bid last week. Dean was absolutely clueless when it came to understanding mortgages and equity so Castiel was doing the work. He'd just received the word that they'd won the bid on the townhouse they both liked.

Sure they could be moving too fast but Castiel could say that they weren't moving fast enough. There wasn't a doubt in Castiel's mind that Dean was the one that he wants to spend the rest of his life with. The one person he wants to come home to every day. The one person that he wants to share the good, the bad, his goals, his failures, his triumphs—all of it is with Dean. Every second they're apart was too long and the days they didn't even get to see each other felt like an eternity.

Cas shifted on the bench, allowing his thoughts to steadily wander. Should he tell Dean about the house now or later when they were alone? He startled when a hand touched his shoulder. "Did you miss me sweetheart?" Dean came around the bench and sat down beside him. "Of course I did. I'm fine. Everything's fine." Castiel hesitated, "We got the house."

Dean grinned, "That's awesome, perfect timing!" He kissed Castiel. He looked away for a moment before looking back at Castiel, staring directly into his eyes, "Everything is perfect, but it could be even better."

Before Castiel was aware what was going on Dean had got down on one knee in front of him and took a hold of his hands, "Castiel, I love you, we should," he drew in a breath, "we, will you marry me?"

Castiel felt his lips split in a grin, his eyes close as a tear fell down his cheek, and he nodded, "Yes Dean. Yes, of course."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has been a pleasure working on this fic, and I'm kinda sad it's over. I honestly shed a tear or two editing this last chapter. Don't hesitate to comment if you like. Kudos is appreciated.


End file.
